Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

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