Interactive panel discussion

ATL SINGLES:::

Well summer is officially here, and it’s time for Blue Lights in the Basement to kick it up a notch or two in celebration of SUMMER.

The next event is Friday, June 25th from 6:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at the KADTS Ballroom Dance Club (www.kadtsreallydance.com). KADTS Dance studio at 675 Metropolitan Pkwy., Atlanta, GA 30310 --> MAP
This event offers so much more than just talking about plugging into life as I so often promote, but it provides the opportunity to do so right on the spot. It will feature sexologist Dr. Chris Bass, a popular professor at Clark Atlanta University who couldn’t join us last month; online singles ministry radio host James Riley (www.findingmorris.com) a leader in dating ministry hosted by men; and Dr.Pam Thompson (www.drpamthompson.com), psychologist and professional life coach specializing in relationship development and enhancement amongst other things.

Format is different in that it will feature an interactive panel discussion on random questions near and dear to YOUR heart, real food that some may think of as “MAN FOOD,” and SIMPLE salsa lessons afterwards taught by the famously fun and talented TJAMES Scott Macauley, owner of KADTS at 675 Metropolitan Pkwy., Atlanta, GA 30310 (directions below). He’s a patient and kind instructor who makes ANYONE look like they can dance.
Ladies, PLEASE invite men to come with you (your co-worker, your brother, your cousin, your neighbor, your church member, your boyfriend/husband). Call in some favors from the men in your life. Men, PLEASE come out to enjoy some food and the ladies.

As always, you can register for the event at www.drpamthompson.com on the news and events page. You have to type in the amount on Pay Pal yourself based on whether you’re paying before the discounted deadline or afterwards. Discounted cost for the event is $15 for individuals and $25 for couples if pre-registered by June 22nd. Afterwards, cost is $20 for individuals and $30 for couples. On this same page, you can peruse recommended books for personal growth and enrichment and purchase them here as well. See attached flyer for additional details.
Directions to Kadts:
From Downtown Atlanta, take I 20 W to Lee Street exit (55B). Turn Left at the exit. Drive two blocks (two traffic lights) to Ralph David Abernathy and turn Left again. Pass under the bridge and continue forward for one block (next traffic light) to Metropolitan Pkwy. Make a sharp Right turn. Turn Right into the first driveway on the right. Drive through the gate on the left of the driveway. Enter the gate and turn sharply to the Right. Drive forward to the end of the row of buildings. Look for the canopy over the doorway. Park near doorway walk through the door under the canopy and come to the second floor. We are in suite 4212.


For more info contact:
Pam Thompson, Psy.D.
Psychologist and Professional Life Coach
Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C.
950 Dannon View, Ste. 4201, Atl., GA 30331
ph: (404) 644-0710
fax: (404) 475-4874
www.drpamthompson.com
http://www.kudzu.com/merchant/17484024.html

Are you the one?

Is it true that most men know within 365 days if you are "the one" for them?

For me It took 1 year of seeing her around, 1 year of becoming her friend....like a real friend.... 4 months of dating until I proclaimed her as the one and put a ring on it. I knew about 6 months into befriending her...I thought I knew even sooner but wasn't sure.

If you have been dating a guy for more than 365 days...Please, please ask him. "Am I the one?" "How will you know the one when you see her?".... The words "You are the one" should be connected to some kind of action. When he really means it, the action will be connected to a date. When a man is for sho nuff ready he will even plan it down to a time. Praise God!
... See More
IF you have been dating a man for 365 days and you have been told that "your the one" and there are no actions, no dates, no times set then
"YOU ARE BEING TREATED LIKE A BACK POCKET CHICK."
You deserve better because men treat the back pocket chick as a plan B to whats really important in his life. School, some other chick, his money, etc.

Stay of you want to but hear me when I tell you. I did this to a woman for 8 years! You got a decade to wait on some dude that says that "your the one" but wont put a ring on it? That IS NOT wisdom. You have to realize that a man that calls you the one but wont marry you doesn't really mean it. What he is really communicating to you is that you are A WIFE and not you are MY WIFE. His actions or lack thereof are evidence of this. (ouch!) Sorry

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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FM41-Speed Dating

Is Speed Dating a good idea for Christians?
My wife and I drop in on a Speed Dating event hosted by Dr.Alduan Tarrt "The Peoples Doc". We spoke with the men and had a great time.

Before I got married, I used to love speed dating....from my perspective it solved the basic problem of how to gain knowledge about every woman in the room without the need for having psychic powers or the Jedi mind trick. I actually got to talk to each woman.

My thing is bring Jesus with you, just as you would if you met someone at church, supermarket, etc.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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The Perfect Man

The Perfect Man
I recently posted the following question on Facebook:
“Single women::: The guy is perfect, everything you are looking for in every way, but one. He's not interested in serious dating. He doesn't want to court you. He is however, genuinely interested in you and wants to take you out. Would you go out with him? If so, how long would you date him?”
I was surprised by the responses we received from some of the women that follow us on Facebook. Even more interesting, the men who are often mute on most subjects, seemed to have a lot to say on the issue. I wondered why until I spoke offline to many of them. They warned women of the dangers connected to dating a man that is non-committed to getting married to you. (Listen to this episode at FM39)

"When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married."

In full disclosure, the question is really not about "the perfect man" at all. It's about what a woman is willing to receive from a man. Even though a woman can go out with whomever she pleases, she should do so with guidance from the Holy Spirit and paying attention to all of the natural evidence. God knows your hearts desire. But when you allow your emotions to fill your heart with "Mr. I’m not ready,” you shut out the greater blessing that God is trying to give you. Time is one of the most precious gifts you own. And giving away your gift to a man that is not where you are on the "ready to be married" continuum, doesn't work. He may have Christ like character and all the qualities you want, but even the tight ab's of your dreams won’t matter if he is not ready to court you with the intention of marriage. Dating a man who is openly or secretly non-committed sets you up for being taken advantage of. The truth is, no matter how much you try to help or how much you give to a man, commitment has to be the man’s idea. Otherwise he’ll grow resentment for you and whatever you built without his leadership.

I know your cousin Lisa married a man that told her that he wasn't interested in marriage and now they are married and have a fly crib in Alpharetta (an ATL suburb). Did cousin Lisa also tell you that his double mindedness caused her periods of hell on earth dealing with his flip-flopping between her and another woman? Truth is, the uncommitted man rarely changes his ways. And if he does, it is usually not for your benefit. How unstable is a double-minded man? The Bible says, in all of his ways (James 1:8).

Real Talk. The majority of men, in their natural minds, see dating as necessary for sex and NOT the precursor to a joy-filled lifelong marriage. For them, sex is the main reason for wanting the company of a woman. When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married. And that’s without the ring, the dress and the ceremony. Don’t gamble away the best years of your life on the hopes that one day your perfect man will change his mind. Keep it moving. Make him pay the price to have you. You should be so expensive to him that he can only afford one of you. Believe me, if you’re the one he wants he’ll do whatever it takes that is legal or moral to make you his own. And it won’t take a bunch of years to do it.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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How do I change a booty call into a marriage?

Single women::: How do you transfer a booty call based interaction into a lifelong joy-filled marriage?

If a woman expects to have an actual man that is strong and loving without being lame or a punk, she must also agree that the terms of your interaction should be named by the man. In other words, it's a booty call if the man calls it a booty call. A woman can label it anything she wants to. Just keep in mind that God's first job for man was to name a thing. It's one of the things that He has called us to do.

No matter what you do, you cannot transform a booty call interaction into a joy-filled lifelong marriage, only he can. It's got to be his idea. You cannot lay the Vi-Jay-Jay down or rock his world well enough to change his mind for him. You cannot love his family enough, including his kids to change his mind about pursuing a relationship that will end in a great marriage. You cannot even go through a man's stomach with your famous baked chicken plate well enough to change his mind.

Let the changing of his mind come from God. Doing it this way brings honor to God and solidifies his mind in a more stable, concrete way. It's the only thing you can depend on.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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FM40-Finding your Barack

Do sisters in the church compare the men they date to President Barack Obama? We tackle this issue with the help of gifted author and minister of the gospel, Dr. Ty Adams and the awesome ministry gift of Toy Banks of Girls Gone God dot com.

We are excited about this historic 40th episode of FindingMorris.com. Please take the time to share this show with your people right now, so we can continue spreading the word about the benefits of Jesus styled dating.

404-567-5752 (To send us a shout out)

FM38 - Premarital Sex

FM38 - Premarital Sex (34:38)
We may not know women, but men, we know! FindingMorris.com is all about the real talk about the real Christian walk of dating. Here is what the fellas speak to in this episode:

• Pre-Marital Sex: If you do it, have you screwed up your chances of finding your Morris?
• Why ratios of men to women don't matter.
• What divorced women know about men that single women miss.
• Why we DISAGREE on how long a woman should wait before having sex with the man she's dating.
• What makes a good brother?
• How men take advantage of insecure women.
• Why women bug-out on trying to avoid men on the DOWN LOW!?


We kept it real, so clear the kiddies out the room! )))

Free samples

Have you ever been to the food court at the mall? You see all of these fast-food places and restaurants all lined up selling every variety of food that most people would like. When you look closer there are always these people in uniform holding a little piece of chicken on a stick for you to sample. Have you ever watched men in this scenario? Men will eat the chicken on a stick, leave, and still go over to Burger King and buy a whole super size combo and the whole nine.

Now, I'm not saying that you are a piece of chicken. You are obviously more valuable than that. But truth be told, that is what men do with women too. They will sample your goods, and still keep it moving down to the next woman. So, when you understand how they think, you can make better choices regarding what you will and won't do in a relationship.

Now you're probably thinking-- at the mall everyone has chicken on a stick, and even though some people eat and run away, some do stay and buy the combo meal. How can I compete with all of that? Here's how.

" In God's plan you don't have to give "free samples" to get a man to be interested in marrying you. "

You don't have to stand out in the hall with your well seasoned chicken hanging off of a stick. All you have to do is:

1- Have a good name in the mall food court.
2- Actually have great food
3- Make your menu and your food appealing to the eye.

• Having a good name is about good Christian character, being polite, telling the truth, working hard, getting along with people, etc.
When people at your job, at church, at the gym or wherever see this kind of behavior in you, they will say great things when asked about you. Just like a restaurant with a good review, it's then that your good reputation will proceed you into every situation. In fact good people will be drawn to you.
• Having great food is a kin to having substance, actually being marriage material for the perspective man that is looking for you.
Trust me when I tell you that he is in fact looking for you right now. The question is whom will he find when he gets to you? Will you be ready for marriage?
Do you have your heart available for him, or does part of your heart still connected to some other guy?
Are you willing to sacrifice and share everything with this man? Your money, your thoughts? Your credit score? Your past?, yes the dude from spring break too! :-)
•Making your menu and food easy on the eye is also a key to countering the "free sample" women from crowding all of the men in the food court of your life. While the offers to get a free sample may be tempting, just like hearing about a great restaurant from a friend, a man's intention when showing up to the food court is to buy a combo from you, and only you. Men ask around about the women that they are interested in, and hearing great reviews about you really helps to help a man to "see" you as something he may want. If he has heard great things about you, and when meeting you for the first time your menu is great, and your presentation is tight, then you can count on a man buying what you have to offer.

"Free samples" lead to insecurity in your true position in a man's life. The right man will see what you have to offer, hear about your good name from other people, and just want to have you. He will want you even while standing in the middle of the food court full of people offering chicken on a stick standing all around him. He will see you as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh and choose you over everyone else. Free samples can't offer you that. Making him wait 90 days before giving him a free sample can't offer you that either, only God's way can.

James is the host and a contributing writer for FindingMorris.com

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Three

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

1. BEGIN WITH PURSUING GOD AND BECOME THE HEALTHIEST PERSON YOU CAN BECOME.

Dating begins with you being in a process of becoming the most complete, honest, loving, creative, satisfied person you can be. That kind of life comes from seeking God, allowing him to lead you into the growth that you need and following his righteousness as best you can. Then, as you find the right way to be in a relationship, the rest will fall into place. A healthy person dates in healthy ways and is able to attract healthy and satisfying people.


2. GET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS NEEDS MET OUTSIDE THE DATING CONTEXT.

You need to get to a place where your life is so full without a mate that you will not be distressed or lonely when you do not have one in your life. As you begin to let other supportive people get close to you, know your heart, and touch your loneliness and some of your hurts, you will become stronger and you will find yourself dating out of a desire to find someone with whom to share your life with, as opposed to a desire to get a life.

3. LEARN YOUR PATTERNS AND WORK ON THEM SO YOU DO NOT REPEAT THEM.

Whatever the situation, we usually have something to do with either creating the pattern or allowing it to be present. When we begin to see our patterns, we can do something about them, before they cause serious problems. To do this however, you will need to find out why you have this pattern. Why are you attracted to certain kinds of people and what sucks you in?

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Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

To comment on the post click comment below

FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2

Listen now online 24/7:
FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2 (25:39)

Kanika and I talk about what are the benefits of dating like a Christian?

Having trouble listening? -->Try here

The FM newsletter will deal with money in dating, detoxing from toxic men and women, FindingMorris Newsletter sign up--> http://tinyurl.com/FM-sign-up

FM TRIVIA: You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one.

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or leave your name and city at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

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12 tips for Christian dating, Part Two

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

4. DATING ACCORDING TO A FEW NON-NEGOTIABLE VALUES.

You will be less likely to stay in a relationship that is bad for you if you before you date have a clear idea of what values you want to guide your life. People can be pretty subtle about their dark sides. So have a set of values that inform your dating decisions. Those values should act as an alarm system when someone you are dating violates them.


5. EXPAND YOUR TASTE.

Be open to going out with people whom you would normally not have on your list. Date to learn. Date to have fun. Date to have meaningful interactions with human beings. Look at each situation as a chance to get to know a person and find out something about you.



6. BE YOURSELF, FROM THE BEGINNING.

Pretending to be someone you aren’t rules out the possibility of real intimacy. Differences are exciting and part of what a real relationship is about. Sparks and chemistry come not only from where you are alike and already connected but also from where you are different. Differences create space between people where longing and desire can develop. There is a desire to join and enjoy what you do not possess. You are enlarged by the other person.


7. DON’T PUT UP WITH BAD BEHAVIOR, AND SET GOOD BOUNDARIES.

Many people put up with a lot of disrespect in dating and then wonder why they are in a problem relationship. Remember, you will get what you tolerate. If you see patterns that you do not want to be there, deal with them early. If the person you are dating stops the negative behavior, you come out ahead. If they don’t like being confronted and goes away, you still come out ahead. Both results are good for you. You cannot loose.


8. TAKE YOUR TIME

Don’t move into a relationship too quickly. Take the time to get to know a person in different situations; get to know his or her friends, values, family, faith everything you can know about someone. You have to make sure that you are not just indulging your hormones or fantasies when you open the door of your heart and get serious with someone. Take the time to make sure you know a person well before getting into a serious or exclusive dating relationship. If the other person has a problem with that, see it as a warning sign. It may point to a need to control or be dependent.

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The sex in 90 days game

Here is the 2nd most asked question at FindingMorris and rising fast: Will a man marry a woman after premarital sex? On a recent episode of Oprah, Steve Harvey compares having pre-marital sex with a man to the 90 day probationary period that is found in the corporate workplace. The theory is to make a man wait 90 days before having sex with him. I guess compared to God's plan of waiting until your married Steve's plan may seem like the better option. After all, Steve says 90 days gives a woman enough time to determined if a brother is easy to work with, if he works well with others, in other words if he's worthy.

The questions is worthy of what? Most women have pre-marital sex with men for many reasons:
To be loved
To be married
Because their horny
To get us to stay
Because if they don't, some other woman will
Because they are in love with us
and my favorite, because they think they are in a relationship with the guy

"But most men have pre-marital sex for one reason. Because their horny"

With men on one side, and women on the other side, each with different motives in all cases but one; what is a sistah to do? See the worthiness that Steve Harvey is talking about is NOT the same worthiness that God speaks of. God built us and knew us before we were knitted in the womb. He understands our nature better than anyone. God knows that if most men got the ...ahem..."benefits" before marriage, that he would have little interest in pursuing a covenant marriage with THAT women. Men that get benefits before marriage, are well fed, and don't get grief about it often become "parked cars" along the road to marriage.

Okay I know your girl Lisa "gave up the draws" and her boyfriend married her. Did Lisa tell you about the ultimatum she gave him that made him pop the question? Did she tell you that he married her because she got pregnant? Lisa may not have shared the facts that she was giving him money, paid his bills or that she organized his office. She certainly didn't share that she was secretly a "ride - or - die chick" for him that stayed around long enough to out last the other chicks that he was sleeping with.

I'm not saying that Lisa's boyfriend didn't love her, i'm saying that if the goal is to be married, then giving him a 90 day evaluation before having sex with him IS NOT going to help you determine if he is worthy of you or not. 90 days is just the latest common wisdom designed to distract you. I know that everyone is doing it that way, but God told us that His way would be the narrow, less traveled, sure pathway that leads us to righteousness. If the man you date says that he loves you, he can demonstrate that best by first honoring God by leading you into marriage before the bedroom.

James is a contributing writer and host of FindingMorris.com


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