Your gifts not your list

The only person that can control is YOU! The best list you can male is about you and whom you need to be for the husband God has for you.
The right balance of looks spirituality and fun in a person can be too much to process and can take the joy out of the dating process. We all know on some level the kind of person we want, but where we often fall short is in our own preparation for our spouse. In the best marriages you will spend more time thinking of being the blessing than receiving a blessing. Serving them, not receiving from them.

What's more valuable then having a list of wants (especially for a woman) is having a list of your best gifts. Seeing these in writing will help you to clearly see where your best gifts should reside. You may date Johnny the accountant and learn that he is great with numbers and also needs to grow with his people skills. Just so happens that on YOUR LIST of gifts is people person. Johnny may be great in the kitchen but is often late and misses key appointments. On your list of gifts is planning.

"The point is your gifts shall make room for you, NOT your long list of things that you think he should have."

Your gifts should be the focus as one of your big responsibilities in marriage is to give to your spouse. Your gifts will make room in his mind, room in his heart, room in his wallet praise God :-). When your allow your gifts to bless a man it's hard for him not to reciprocate.

I say your list should be about what you give to your husband - to - be and then that list will help you to know and have peace about whom to choose. It will help you to clearly see the home for your best gifts to reside.

You can't control who approaches you for a date. You can however control your readiness so when the right one approaches you'll be confident and ready.

-James is the Host / Staff Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Interactive panel discussion

ATL SINGLES:::

Well summer is officially here, and it’s time for Blue Lights in the Basement to kick it up a notch or two in celebration of SUMMER.

The next event is Friday, June 25th from 6:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at the KADTS Ballroom Dance Club (www.kadtsreallydance.com). KADTS Dance studio at 675 Metropolitan Pkwy., Atlanta, GA 30310 --> MAP
This event offers so much more than just talking about plugging into life as I so often promote, but it provides the opportunity to do so right on the spot. It will feature sexologist Dr. Chris Bass, a popular professor at Clark Atlanta University who couldn’t join us last month; online singles ministry radio host James Riley (www.findingmorris.com) a leader in dating ministry hosted by men; and Dr.Pam Thompson (www.drpamthompson.com), psychologist and professional life coach specializing in relationship development and enhancement amongst other things.

Format is different in that it will feature an interactive panel discussion on random questions near and dear to YOUR heart, real food that some may think of as “MAN FOOD,” and SIMPLE salsa lessons afterwards taught by the famously fun and talented TJAMES Scott Macauley, owner of KADTS at 675 Metropolitan Pkwy., Atlanta, GA 30310 (directions below). He’s a patient and kind instructor who makes ANYONE look like they can dance.
Ladies, PLEASE invite men to come with you (your co-worker, your brother, your cousin, your neighbor, your church member, your boyfriend/husband). Call in some favors from the men in your life. Men, PLEASE come out to enjoy some food and the ladies.

As always, you can register for the event at www.drpamthompson.com on the news and events page. You have to type in the amount on Pay Pal yourself based on whether you’re paying before the discounted deadline or afterwards. Discounted cost for the event is $15 for individuals and $25 for couples if pre-registered by June 22nd. Afterwards, cost is $20 for individuals and $30 for couples. On this same page, you can peruse recommended books for personal growth and enrichment and purchase them here as well. See attached flyer for additional details.
Directions to Kadts:
From Downtown Atlanta, take I 20 W to Lee Street exit (55B). Turn Left at the exit. Drive two blocks (two traffic lights) to Ralph David Abernathy and turn Left again. Pass under the bridge and continue forward for one block (next traffic light) to Metropolitan Pkwy. Make a sharp Right turn. Turn Right into the first driveway on the right. Drive through the gate on the left of the driveway. Enter the gate and turn sharply to the Right. Drive forward to the end of the row of buildings. Look for the canopy over the doorway. Park near doorway walk through the door under the canopy and come to the second floor. We are in suite 4212.


For more info contact:
Pam Thompson, Psy.D.
Psychologist and Professional Life Coach
Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C.
950 Dannon View, Ste. 4201, Atl., GA 30331
ph: (404) 644-0710
fax: (404) 475-4874
www.drpamthompson.com
http://www.kudzu.com/merchant/17484024.html

Are you the one?

Is it true that most men know within 365 days if you are "the one" for them?

For me It took 1 year of seeing her around, 1 year of becoming her friend....like a real friend.... 4 months of dating until I proclaimed her as the one and put a ring on it. I knew about 6 months into befriending her...I thought I knew even sooner but wasn't sure.

If you have been dating a guy for more than 365 days...Please, please ask him. "Am I the one?" "How will you know the one when you see her?".... The words "You are the one" should be connected to some kind of action. When he really means it, the action will be connected to a date. When a man is for sho nuff ready he will even plan it down to a time. Praise God!
... See More
IF you have been dating a man for 365 days and you have been told that "your the one" and there are no actions, no dates, no times set then
"YOU ARE BEING TREATED LIKE A BACK POCKET CHICK."
You deserve better because men treat the back pocket chick as a plan B to whats really important in his life. School, some other chick, his money, etc.

Stay of you want to but hear me when I tell you. I did this to a woman for 8 years! You got a decade to wait on some dude that says that "your the one" but wont put a ring on it? That IS NOT wisdom. You have to realize that a man that calls you the one but wont marry you doesn't really mean it. What he is really communicating to you is that you are A WIFE and not you are MY WIFE. His actions or lack thereof are evidence of this. (ouch!) Sorry

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Friday April 30th FindingMorris style!

ATL Singles:::

Join me Friday April 30th FindingMorris style! Look out Cascade, I'm bringing the real about dating. Check it out-->

Hot topics on FindingMorris are:
1. The Friend Zone: If a woman gets in it, is there a way out? Does that path lead to marriage?
2. The back pocket woman: This woman is sleeping with a man that she calls her boyfriend. Her insecurity
leads her to wonder if she has ruined everything by going to bed with him. He senses this and makes her a back pocket woman, the chick that you sleep with, not the chick that you marry.
3. Why are 51% of women unmarried? 70% of those black women?

Blue Lights in the Basement

Friday, March 30th Blue Lights in the Basement at Cascade - Registration and Orientation from 6:30pm to 7:30pm. Sessions from 7:00pm-8:00pm and 8:00pm-9:00pm

950 Dannon View
Suite 4201
Atlanta, GA 30331

Phone: 404 644 0710

The next Blue Lights in the Basement will no longer be in the basement of
Our Place Bakery. It’s moving to my office at Cascade and 285 where we will
have limited seating, so when you’re interested in the topics, don’t wait to
sign up. The format is also changing in order to give you more choice in
selecting specific topics and give the whole event a more intimate feel.
So, my plan is to have two facilitators beside myself who will lead
discussions in two separate offices for an hour on specific topics and give
you the choice of selecting 2 out of 3 topics, rotating to your second
choice after the first presentation.

Cost for this event is $15 to those who register by March 24th, after wards
the cost is $20. We may have some wine and cheese beforehand, and each
grouping will also have door prizes.

Live event "Brothers Speak Out!"

ATL Single people::: Why are 51% of women unmarried? Why wont he pop the question? Should the person you date have access to your cell phone password?

Join me Wednesday night for Brothers speak out. This session will feature single men from ATLanta speaking about these and many more subjects.

The SPICE singles ministry will have the single men of Total Grace Christian Center front and center to talk about real things that effect the walk of the unmarried folk in the church.

Come and join me as "Brothers Speak Out!"

Wednesday April 14th, 2010
7:30pm in the main sanctuary
Total Grace Christian
4000 Covington Hwy
Decatur, GA, 30032
404-289-2229

Christian dating panel VIDEO

Christian dating panel VIDEO

Yo let me tell you. Nikki Washington from GLOW magazine hosted this Christian Dating panel and my wife and I were so blessed to be there. We covered it all from STD's when dating, to sex, masturbation, and physical attributes. I'm sure you will enjoy this great discussion.

This video is in 3 parts and the total run time is (2:30) total

FM41-Speed Dating

Is Speed Dating a good idea for Christians?
My wife and I drop in on a Speed Dating event hosted by Dr.Alduan Tarrt "The Peoples Doc". We spoke with the men and had a great time.

Before I got married, I used to love speed dating....from my perspective it solved the basic problem of how to gain knowledge about every woman in the room without the need for having psychic powers or the Jedi mind trick. I actually got to talk to each woman.

My thing is bring Jesus with you, just as you would if you met someone at church, supermarket, etc.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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• 404-954-0092

Walk into your husband's path

Walk into your husband's path

It’s interesting to me how some unmarried Christians seem to be committed to secular dating. You know what I’m talking about. Boy meets a nice girl, girl falls in love with boy, they become boyfriend and girlfriend until three years later boy confesses he’s not ready for marriage, girl sticks in there until boy becomes a man and marries her. It’s a dreadful cycle that hurts so many people in the process. As Christians, Jesus has called us to be in the world, but not of it. So why do we think it’s okay to date the way the world does and expect to achieve superior results?

My husband posted an question on facebook some weeks ago asking unmarried women if they would continue to date a man who was honest enough to share that he wasn’t interested in marriage? You should’ve seen the heated responses on both sides of the fence. Some said it would be foolish for a woman ready for marriage to date a man who wasn’t. Others complained that writing a man off because he’s not ready is premature. After all, he might be in transition, has been hurt in a previous relationship or could be ready after he’s reached his goals. We all have known success stories where a woman travailed to become the last woman standing. She may have been in her 20’s when the relationship began and is now in her 30’s. She had vision for what he would eventually become and chose to love him unconditionally. I admit it’s a beautiful thing for a woman to stand by her man. Yet, I wonder if waiting for a man who is not your husband sets you up for an emotional roller coaster of uncertainty and pain.

I am somewhat of a traditionalist and I make no concessions for that. My values in the area of dating are what many might consider old-fashioned or out-of-style. But one thing I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work. I’ve loved and lost many times during my dating, rarely asking God to show me whom I should give my time and heart to. I’ve dated men who said they wanted to get married only to discover that they weren’t ready. I’ve dated many others who said they weren’t interested in anything serious just to see if I’d stick around long enough through their indiscretions. Through all the tears, I finally got the lesson that men will take advantage if you let them. I had to take a stand and follow God's lead in my dating. It was the only way to protecting my heart and being ready to receive the man who was ready to be my husband.

" What I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work."

For all of our wonderful qualities, women often make the mistake of allowing our heart to rest in places that are not appropriate for us. We’re too willing to adjust our values, our desires and our dreams for what we perceive to be the love of our lives. It’s a bit ironic because God has always regarded woman as the jewel to be found, not the other way around. You are the prize and should be treated as the precious jewel that you are. Committing to a broken man or one who isn’t ready for the type of relationship you want is not God’s best. Marrying a person who felt pressured to marry or someone whose emotional pain hasn’t been dealt with will challenge every aspect of your relationship. Why go through all of that drama if you don’t have to? Rather than waiting for the man to come around, why not flip the script and be such a standout that he’ll either have to step-up or regret that he lost you. How do you accomplish this? Walk into your husband's path. Keep your standards high, pursue your passions and only allow your heart to be filled by the man who is ready to make you his wife.

Kanika is a Producer / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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• 404-954-0092

FM40-Finding your Barack

Do sisters in the church compare the men they date to President Barack Obama? We tackle this issue with the help of gifted author and minister of the gospel, Dr. Ty Adams and the awesome ministry gift of Toy Banks of Girls Gone God dot com.

We are excited about this historic 40th episode of FindingMorris.com. Please take the time to share this show with your people right now, so we can continue spreading the word about the benefits of Jesus styled dating.

404-567-5752 (To send us a shout out)

Free samples

Have you ever been to the food court at the mall? You see all of these fast-food places and restaurants all lined up selling every variety of food that most people would like. When you look closer there are always these people in uniform holding a little piece of chicken on a stick for you to sample. Have you ever watched men in this scenario? Men will eat the chicken on a stick, leave, and still go over to Burger King and buy a whole super size combo and the whole nine.

Now, I'm not saying that you are a piece of chicken. You are obviously more valuable than that. But truth be told, that is what men do with women too. They will sample your goods, and still keep it moving down to the next woman. So, when you understand how they think, you can make better choices regarding what you will and won't do in a relationship.

Now you're probably thinking-- at the mall everyone has chicken on a stick, and even though some people eat and run away, some do stay and buy the combo meal. How can I compete with all of that? Here's how.

" In God's plan you don't have to give "free samples" to get a man to be interested in marrying you. "

You don't have to stand out in the hall with your well seasoned chicken hanging off of a stick. All you have to do is:

1- Have a good name in the mall food court.
2- Actually have great food
3- Make your menu and your food appealing to the eye.

• Having a good name is about good Christian character, being polite, telling the truth, working hard, getting along with people, etc.
When people at your job, at church, at the gym or wherever see this kind of behavior in you, they will say great things when asked about you. Just like a restaurant with a good review, it's then that your good reputation will proceed you into every situation. In fact good people will be drawn to you.
• Having great food is a kin to having substance, actually being marriage material for the perspective man that is looking for you.
Trust me when I tell you that he is in fact looking for you right now. The question is whom will he find when he gets to you? Will you be ready for marriage?
Do you have your heart available for him, or does part of your heart still connected to some other guy?
Are you willing to sacrifice and share everything with this man? Your money, your thoughts? Your credit score? Your past?, yes the dude from spring break too! :-)
•Making your menu and food easy on the eye is also a key to countering the "free sample" women from crowding all of the men in the food court of your life. While the offers to get a free sample may be tempting, just like hearing about a great restaurant from a friend, a man's intention when showing up to the food court is to buy a combo from you, and only you. Men ask around about the women that they are interested in, and hearing great reviews about you really helps to help a man to "see" you as something he may want. If he has heard great things about you, and when meeting you for the first time your menu is great, and your presentation is tight, then you can count on a man buying what you have to offer.

"Free samples" lead to insecurity in your true position in a man's life. The right man will see what you have to offer, hear about your good name from other people, and just want to have you. He will want you even while standing in the middle of the food court full of people offering chicken on a stick standing all around him. He will see you as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh and choose you over everyone else. Free samples can't offer you that. Making him wait 90 days before giving him a free sample can't offer you that either, only God's way can.

James is the host and a contributing writer for FindingMorris.com

Butterflies

Do those butterflies you feel with a person the key to making a relationship last forever? I used to think so until a mentor of mine shared how important it is for a man to find his wife, declare his love and then marry her. The conversation was perplexing to me at the time, mostly because I thought the butterflies or chemistry I felt was more important than how the man felt about me. As far as I was concerned, if I liked a guy everything would be fine. All I had to do was show my interest. But for some reason, that logic didn't seem to be working for me.
I needed to know how to weed out the life draining, unfaithful men, and receive God's best for me and my mentor took it upon himself to show me how.

"Before I allowed God to change my heart, I tended to gauge my interest in a guy by the level chemistry I felt when we were together. Rolled into that was height, weight, education level and even what shade he was."

If you must know, I was a personal fan of the chocolate variety :-) I let myself be swooned by his swagger telling myself that we had real "chemistry." Never leaving too much room for him to run me down like Pepe Le Pew, I assumed that the man that I liked would somehow find his way to loving me forever. In some cases, a certain type of love was present, but not the kind that creates a joyful lifelong marriage.

Three years ago, I called my mentor and reminded him of how he blessed me by allowing me to see how a God fearing man loves his wife. He was always so attentive to her, providing not only a good life, but one that supported her spirit as well. You could tell they were real genuine friends. When I saw similar characteristics in my future husband, I was able to push pass my physical checklist and receive him into my life. You've heard it on the FindingMorris show. James wasn't my type at first. After all, he wasn't even chocolate. :-) But as I allowed him in, the chemistry I swore could never be found was there in abundance. And that "chemistry" grew out of the biggest thing that we had in common--God. I understand when single women say that without chemistry a relationship can't work. Hey, I used to be that woman. I challenge you to dig a little deeper and let the chemistry you expect to feel early on to develop on it's own. Consider a man that you wouldn't normally go for and let him demonstrate the love he has to give. Allow him to share his heart, his life and his love for the things that make you, you. That's what I did. Over time, James felt special to me and the moment he first kissed me I knew that he loved me deeper than I could imagine. In fact, the emotion was so great that I cried. Opening myself up and accepting a man based on his Godly ways really blessed me, and God will do the same for you too. God changed my heart and I'm better for it. Embrace the notion that you are the princess in the relationship, let a Godly man love you, and the chemistry you can't seem to live without will eventually find you.

Kanika is a writer, and Producer for FindingMorris.com

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Three

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

1. BEGIN WITH PURSUING GOD AND BECOME THE HEALTHIEST PERSON YOU CAN BECOME.

Dating begins with you being in a process of becoming the most complete, honest, loving, creative, satisfied person you can be. That kind of life comes from seeking God, allowing him to lead you into the growth that you need and following his righteousness as best you can. Then, as you find the right way to be in a relationship, the rest will fall into place. A healthy person dates in healthy ways and is able to attract healthy and satisfying people.


2. GET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS NEEDS MET OUTSIDE THE DATING CONTEXT.

You need to get to a place where your life is so full without a mate that you will not be distressed or lonely when you do not have one in your life. As you begin to let other supportive people get close to you, know your heart, and touch your loneliness and some of your hurts, you will become stronger and you will find yourself dating out of a desire to find someone with whom to share your life with, as opposed to a desire to get a life.

3. LEARN YOUR PATTERNS AND WORK ON THEM SO YOU DO NOT REPEAT THEM.

Whatever the situation, we usually have something to do with either creating the pattern or allowing it to be present. When we begin to see our patterns, we can do something about them, before they cause serious problems. To do this however, you will need to find out why you have this pattern. Why are you attracted to certain kinds of people and what sucks you in?

Stay in touch

Missed Part 1 and 2? Just sign-up below and we will email one out to you.

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FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2

Listen now online 24/7:
FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2 (25:39)

Kanika and I talk about what are the benefits of dating like a Christian?

Having trouble listening? -->Try here

The FM newsletter will deal with money in dating, detoxing from toxic men and women, FindingMorris Newsletter sign up--> http://tinyurl.com/FM-sign-up

FM TRIVIA: You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one.

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or leave your name and city at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

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