Live event "Brothers Speak Out!"

ATL Single people::: Why are 51% of women unmarried? Why wont he pop the question? Should the person you date have access to your cell phone password?

Join me Wednesday night for Brothers speak out. This session will feature single men from ATLanta speaking about these and many more subjects.

The SPICE singles ministry will have the single men of Total Grace Christian Center front and center to talk about real things that effect the walk of the unmarried folk in the church.

Come and join me as "Brothers Speak Out!"

Wednesday April 14th, 2010
7:30pm in the main sanctuary
Total Grace Christian
4000 Covington Hwy
Decatur, GA, 30032
404-289-2229

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Three

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

1. BEGIN WITH PURSUING GOD AND BECOME THE HEALTHIEST PERSON YOU CAN BECOME.

Dating begins with you being in a process of becoming the most complete, honest, loving, creative, satisfied person you can be. That kind of life comes from seeking God, allowing him to lead you into the growth that you need and following his righteousness as best you can. Then, as you find the right way to be in a relationship, the rest will fall into place. A healthy person dates in healthy ways and is able to attract healthy and satisfying people.


2. GET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS NEEDS MET OUTSIDE THE DATING CONTEXT.

You need to get to a place where your life is so full without a mate that you will not be distressed or lonely when you do not have one in your life. As you begin to let other supportive people get close to you, know your heart, and touch your loneliness and some of your hurts, you will become stronger and you will find yourself dating out of a desire to find someone with whom to share your life with, as opposed to a desire to get a life.

3. LEARN YOUR PATTERNS AND WORK ON THEM SO YOU DO NOT REPEAT THEM.

Whatever the situation, we usually have something to do with either creating the pattern or allowing it to be present. When we begin to see our patterns, we can do something about them, before they cause serious problems. To do this however, you will need to find out why you have this pattern. Why are you attracted to certain kinds of people and what sucks you in?

Stay in touch

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The Bachelor Fiasco

FM36-The Bachelor fiasco (27:34) Listen as Kanika and I talk about The Bachelor and the hot topic “If men know what they want”.
This is part one of two. You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one. Don't worry, the men will be back to address your dating questions in the days and weeks ahead.-->Listen here

Is your computer having trouble hearing the show-->Click here

5 Things Christian Women Should Look for in a Mate

5 Things Christian Women Should Look for in a Mate
(Reposted from Kim Brook's Blog)

Ladies, you may have had conversations with your girlfriends about what you're looking for in a mate. Well allow me to share a list of 5 things a Christian woman should consider looking for in a future spouse. Looks aren't everything (but it definitely helps! Lemme stop...) BTW – I'm not insinuating a woman go chasing after a man, this list is just a guide that describes certain character traits within a man that a woman of God should look for:

1. He may be fine, but make sure that man is saved!

Single Christian women should make sure that their future spouse is Christian as well because God admonishes believers to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers according to II Corinthians 6:14. You want to be in a relationship with someone who shares the same value system and beliefs as you do. In doing so, you create harmony in the relationship, and operate in God's perfect will for your life. Also, according to Amos 3:3, it is better for two people who are in agreement to walk together.

2. He may be saved, but make sure that man is for real!

Nowadays, it is not enough to make sure someone confesses Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior according to Romans 10:8-10. You want to also make sure his lifestyle lines up with his faith confession, and that He fears God by not desiring to break God's heart -which happens when we disobey His Word and His will. Also, how can a man love you like Christ loves the church if he doesn't know how to truly love God? Make sure that he is not only saved but that his mind has been renewed and changed by the Word of God (Romans 12:2). A man who fears God, or reverences and respects God so much that he has surrendered his own will to God's will, proves that he sincerely loves the Lord, and love must be vertical first, before it can ever be horizontal.

3. Make sure he has a vision, and knows his purpose.

The Word of God in Habakuk 2:2 commands us to write the vision and make
it plain. You want a future mate who has a vision and knows his purpose in life. Men are called to be leaders in the home, and a man who doesn't know his purpose will be leading his future intended down a path that leads to no where. When a man and a woman both know their purpose they can better envision a future together and can see how they fit into one another's lives.


4. Make sure he loves people and wins souls.

Unfortunately, there are some who call themselves Christians yet do not love people. Make sure your future spouse is not one of these persons. God's second commandment to Christians is to love their neighbors as themselves, and the best way to show that love is to tell someone else about Jesus Christ. The same way that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son is the same way, ladies, you should want to make sure your future spouse loves people so much that he willingly shares his testimony and witnesses to someone else. The Word of God, in Psalm 107:2 says, Let the redeemed of the Lord, say so, so your future mate should not be ashamed to tell it!


5. Makes sure that pleasing God is his #1 priority.

God is pleased when we, His children, obey His Word (John 14:15). For example, He is pleased when we honor our parents (Eph. 6:1), when we tithe to our local church (Mal. 3:10, Heb. 2:4), when we love one another (1 John 4:7), and when we esteem others higher than ourselves (Phil. 2:3). So it is important now, ladies, to make sure that your future spouse makes pleasing God his #1 priority, because in doing so it shows that he has the potential to love you the same way that Christ loved the church.

*Please note: Out of the 5 things listed, woman of God, it is important that you, also, possess the 5 characteristics included on this list. That way you both can be an extreme blessing to one another in your relationship.

###

Licensed minister and speaker, Kim Brooks, is the author of “He's Saved...But is He For Real?” which is the sequel to Black Expressions Bestseller, “He's Fine...But is He Saved?” and non-fiction mini-book, “The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints.” Kim publishes a monthly E-newsletter for singles entitled, “The Single Heart.” Check out free excerpts, or sign up for a free subscription to her
E-newsletter on www.Kimontheweb.com
Her books are available in bookstores nationwide

Put a ring on it

Until I met my husband, I never understood men. I didn't understand what they liked, what motivated them or why the relationship, no matter how hard I tried would last no longer than a year. I knew that I was a nice girl, attractive, church going, faithful and family oriented. What guy wouldn't want to marry a woman that was educated, kind and knew how to throw down in the kitchen? Yet, with the hope of every new relationship came the dread that it would end before it began. Sometimes it was because he had a girlfriend that I didn't know about, other times because I didn't believe in sex before marriage, but the real reason was because he wanted somebody else. I thought something was wrong with me. Sadly, I was right. But it took a heartbreaking experience to show me how wrong I was.

I dated a man that was absolutely perfect on paper: Christian, family oriented, and educated with a stable career. Even though he lived in another town, we talked every day and saw each other on the weekends. He was single, never married, no kids and was very frugal with his money. Life was great with him, so it seemed. We were engaged within 8 months. The day we went ring shopping was my first warning. We went to one store and after talking to the sales woman he ordered the ring on credit with a full money-back guarantee. I didn't question it at first. I was just so happy to be "engaged." It would take 6 weeks to make it official. Little did I know that he had no intention of marrying me.

Within six weeks an old girlfriend showed up and he broke up with me. I was heartbroken.
"As hurtful as it was,
God allowed me to learn
a deep lesson about men."

They will sacrifice their lives for what they want. He wasn't willing to sacrifice for me, but he was willing to lay it all on the line for the desire of his heart. By the way, he ended up marring her. By not paying attention to his kind of giving, I committed myself to a man that was less than God's best for me.

It took almost five years of time with the Lord, allowing him to heal me from the inside out for my outlook on dating to change. So imagine my déjà vu the afternoon another young man guided me into a jewelry shop. I was petrified. I mean, what was he thinking? This man talked to the sales woman just as the other one had. He even asked me to try on a few for kicks. Yet, this moment was different. This man brokered the deal before my eyes sacrificing his very best to make me his wife. Although our love is bigger than the piece of jewelry I wear on my left finger, I find myself staring at it often. It's a constant reminder of how God exchanged my sorrow for joy. I know you want him to "put a ring on it", it just happened to me so trust me it does happen, there are good men out there. Don't use those butterfly's, or deep loving feelings to help you decide which one to choose. The man that is "the One" will put your Godly desires ahead of his own. He will sacrifice his best to marry you. Now let that man "put a ring on it!"

Kanika, is a writer and marketing professional with FindingMorris.com
Listen on Valentines Day for the next episode of findingmorris.com

Looking for a wife

Looking for a wife...
Hey all,
Ya'll know by now i'm recently married. My single male friends would love to know that there are so many well intention women of God around. You know what my friends find rare and precious when looking for a wife? A woman that is available, that is available emotionally, spiritually, and after marriage sexually. To my friends emotional availability looks like a woman with a sound mind, that is NOT emotionally connected to that guy from college or the ex-boyfriend that wont pop the question. Spiritual availability looks like a woman that loves God more than a man, a woman that honors God by living her life by His word. Sexual availability to my friends looks like a woman that is keeping her self for her husband to be. As you can imagine my boys are all desperately seeking the woman who upholds the sexual standard of God. Hallelujah and Amen :-)
Women who work those three things for God, will end up in the "FAV Five" of a man sooner. If your Boaz is anything like my friends, he will see you as set apart from all the other women here in Atlanta, and the fabled 11 to 1 odds wont mean a thing. The favor of God ain't fare.

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program

Lustful thoughts

Da video is HOT! I cant take anything away from it.
My brothers please know this. When we say that we have a thought of some woman that is NOT our wife, and it's a sexual thought, that right there is what God calls sin. In the video he says at "this" point there has been no sin (committed)
... WHAT??? I believe that he and God disagree on this point. Let's be real men of God, like for real, and own our crap by judging ourselves. We know God says in his word that whosoever thinks of a woman with lust has already committed adultery. So as a God's men lets stop looking at women "like that", repent, and NOT give those thoughts the glory.

My brothers God made women beautiful so recognizing their beauty is a good thing, but let God set the standard of what going too far is when we look. We have got to stop giving each other props when one of us is lusting over some woman
-James
James is the host of Fining Morris a online singles ministry radio program. Available now! 24 hours a day at:
http://findingmorris.com

When should commitment begin?

When should commitment begin during the dating process
Annette writes:
Q: What I mean is that I don't limit myself to "one man" unless we're both considering marriage. I think the American way of dating is highly impractical. The point of dating is to get to know someone and see if they could be a potential life partner. The act of "committing" to one person not only limits your choices, it makes no sense because everyone breaks up in (dating) relationships except (in) one. Why not take out the middle man (committed dating) and save commitments for when they actually matter (in preparation for marriage). When I say I want to be free, I mean the freedom of being unattached to any brother until I think he is marriage material. If I think I could possibly marry the dude, then we can start talking about committed dating. Until then, they need to slow their roll. I'm not a ice cream flavor to be "taste-tested" before a purchase." I want a brother who already knows what his favorite flavor is--Me--and that's that. I won't settle for anything less. Being single without a significant other is not as bad as being single in a crappy relationship!

A:
Anette is from California. Thank you for your insight. IS SHE RIGHT?
Where did we get the idea that having a commitment before marriage is so important? Commit too soon and you could be stuck with somebody that you don't know very well. Or you could very well miss your Halle or Morris (God's best). Many Christians rush into a commitment. Our sistahs are especially susceptible to this because they want security. They want that feeling of warmth and comfort. They want to be covered by and connected to a man. Sometimes it seems any man will do as long as he has just a little Jesus in him.

Exclusively upgrading your dating status before you can clearly judge whether or not the other person has what it takes to to be a great spiritual partner is dangerous. By spiritual I'm not talking about church attendance alone (which is a great indicator by the way). Trust me when I tell you that you DO NOT want to be committed to someone that is NOT a good match for you spiritually. If your gift of speaking in unknown tongues is looked down upon, if giving God a tenth of your salary is foreign to them, if giving God praise during tough times is met with negativity, you may certainly desire to be free from that person and be joined to someone who is where you are in the Lord.

So when should commitment actually begin? Lets be real. In the beginning, we focus on how the other person makes us feel, how cute they are, what a good person they are, etc. All good stuff, just not spiritual stuff. Commit to soon and you'll risk being joined to the wrong person for you. You risk joining a person you don't know enough about. Especially considering that many of us often lack first hand knowledge of the persons' level of spirituality in the beginning. We think she is spiritual because she prays, but she can regularly be found cursing someone out of the same mouth that praises our God.

The things that matter spiritually should be apparent during the dating process. You get the chance to observe the other person's life with friends and family. Watch how they respond during stressful times, joyful times and their attitudes about money, and children are good indicators to look for. Get to know their thoughts about fornication and abstinence. When using the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, all of this and more can be discovered about a date without an exclusive commitment. In fact, the closer you get to the person your dating, the more you feel for them, the tougher it is to clearly discern the "core agreements" that are needed to have a successful marriage.

Yes I said the "M" word marriage. See that is what this is all about, first being marriage material yourself; then discovering that same qualities in the person your dating. Christians seem look to commitment as the litmus test for discovering the potential compatibility with someone you date. The truth is that ever person you will ever date will end up in a break - up, with the exception of one; the person you marry for a lifetime. Commitment, however, seems to pacify the fears of leary saints. Fears of being cheated on and fears of loving and not being loved in return.

My problem with these commitments is that they esteem your date's attributes as too important, when God and His principles are supposed to be the highest, and greatest thing. Many Christians simply do not know enough about the spiritual character of the people we date. In fact, most of us trust so deeply when entering into a commitment with someone that, in effect, the trust becomes like an offering of faith. Faith in anyone but God is sin. We need to see evidence from everyone but God before giving our trust.

Let me stop screwing around with this and tell you the real.(Lord help me) A great indication of your connection with the person you date is that they, on their own, no longer have the desire to go out with someone else. They feel this way because you interest them, they like you, they enjoy your company, your always on their mind, not because you manipulate them, "corner" them, or give them the ol' commitment ultimatum. They spend time with you out of their own free will and desire, and that is the way you should want it. Think about it, that is how God treats us. God doesn't even ask us to enter into relationship with Him, before you get a chance to know Him, and His glorious ways. Doesn't He say "hey, come to church, I wrote a little something for you that I want you to read. Keep hanging out with me and get to know me, I got some great news for you. Guess what I love you, and I loved you before you were born...." You get my drift, the point is that we want people to love us on purpose, because of who we are, just as God does.

I can hear some of you now saying, " So what am I supposed to do, meet somebody, then jump straight into getting married and then get to know them afterwards ...I'm not God!" Unequivocally, NO! Next time we are going to talk about that and how to trust God more than you trust your date. Check me out again in part two of the article we will talk about the myths surrounding "when should commitments begin?"

-James

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

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How sistahs can truly "Find" Morris, Part 1

(Reading time: 2:00 minutes)

Here’s the deal and you know it’s true. Many "sistahs" are often wrapped up into this one guy. Maybe he’s the dude from college that she just loved so much, complete with soul-ties and all. Other times he’s this great guy, handsome successful, and committed in year one, two, a promise in year three and year four…ahem…all without a ring. Sound familiar?

What if you could discover a way to "find" the Morris for you without having to put up with “Mr. Can’t Commit?” Interested? If you’re a woman who desires to marry God’s choice, take a look at the crude little chart and read on.

The circle represents all of the unmarried men. As Christians, we are gonna believe and pray that all that read this are NOT dating married men. Amen. Of the unmarried men, the blue section represents the men around you that are trying to "Holler" (as we say in the South). Holler of course means a man that is asking you out, or coming on to you. These men are the nice guys who ask for your number, or for a dinner date, and yes this also includes the men who scream, "Hey shawty" at the gas station. Thank God for our men in the blue section.

Now the red section represents the men that you actually like. The key to this little exercise is simple. Notice that some of the "red men" are actually interested in you (inside the blue section), and some are not (outside of the blue section).

The challenge is that some sistahs are willing to pray for God to give them the man they are attracted to, even if that man is not coming on to them. They’ll stand on Psalms 37:4, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart,” and ignore the very next verse, Psalms 37:5, “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." So what is an eligible Christian woman to do? Should you just accept whatever comes along? Well come back next week as we bring it all together.

~James and Kanika