Friday, March 20, 2009

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Two

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

4. DATING ACCORDING TO A FEW NON-NEGOTIABLE VALUES.

You will be less likely to stay in a relationship that is bad for you if you before you date have a clear idea of what values you want to guide your life. People can be pretty subtle about their dark sides. So have a set of values that inform your dating decisions. Those values should act as an alarm system when someone you are dating violates them.


5. EXPAND YOUR TASTE.

Be open to going out with people whom you would normally not have on your list. Date to learn. Date to have fun. Date to have meaningful interactions with human beings. Look at each situation as a chance to get to know a person and find out something about you.



6. BE YOURSELF, FROM THE BEGINNING.

Pretending to be someone you aren’t rules out the possibility of real intimacy. Differences are exciting and part of what a real relationship is about. Sparks and chemistry come not only from where you are alike and already connected but also from where you are different. Differences create space between people where longing and desire can develop. There is a desire to join and enjoy what you do not possess. You are enlarged by the other person.


7. DON’T PUT UP WITH BAD BEHAVIOR, AND SET GOOD BOUNDARIES.

Many people put up with a lot of disrespect in dating and then wonder why they are in a problem relationship. Remember, you will get what you tolerate. If you see patterns that you do not want to be there, deal with them early. If the person you are dating stops the negative behavior, you come out ahead. If they don’t like being confronted and goes away, you still come out ahead. Both results are good for you. You cannot loose.


8. TAKE YOUR TIME

Don’t move into a relationship too quickly. Take the time to get to know a person in different situations; get to know his or her friends, values, family, faith everything you can know about someone. You have to make sure that you are not just indulging your hormones or fantasies when you open the door of your heart and get serious with someone. Take the time to make sure you know a person well before getting into a serious or exclusive dating relationship. If the other person has a problem with that, see it as a warning sign. It may point to a need to control or be dependent.

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If you give it up he leaves because your unfaithful, if you hold out he leaves cause your a prude. Is this the norm in today's dating culture?