Free samples

Have you ever been to the food court at the mall? You see all of these fast food places and restaurants all lined up selling every variety of food that most people would like. When you look closer there are always these people in uniform standing holding a little piece of chicken on a stick for you to sample. Have you ever watched men in this scenario? Men will eat the chicken on a stick, leave, and still go over to Burger King and buy a whole super size combo and the whole nine.

Now, I'm not saying that you are a piece of chicken. You are obviously more valuable than that. But truth be told, that is what men do with women too. They will sample your goods, and still keep it moving down to the next woman. So, when you understand how they think, you can make better choices regarding what you will and won't do in a relationship.

Now you're probably thinking-- at the mall everyone has chicken on a stick, and even though some people eat and run away, some do stay and buy the combo meal. How can I compete with all of that? Here's how.

" In God's plan you don't have to give "free samples" to get a man to be interested in marrying you. "

You don't have to stand out in the hall with your well seasoned chicken hanging off of a stick. All you have to do is:

1- Have a good name in the mall food court.
2- Actually have great food
3- Make your menu and your food appealing to the eye.

• Having a good name is about good Christian character, being polite, telling the truth, working hard, getting along with people, etc.
When people at your job, at church, at the gym or wherever see this kind of behavior in you, they will say great things when asked about you. Just like a restaurant with a good review, it's then that your good reputation will proceed you into every situation. In fact good people will be drawn to you.
• Having great food is a kin to having substance, actually being marriage material for the perspective man that is looking for you.
Trust me when I tell you that he is in fact looking for you right now. The question is whom will he find when he gets to you? Will you be ready for marriage?
Do you have your heart available for him, or does part of your heart still connected to some other guy?
Are you willing to sacrifice and share everything with this man? Your money, your thoughts? Your credit score? Your past?, yes the dude from spring break too! :-)
•Making your menu and food easy on the eye is also a key to countering the "free sample" women from crowding all of the men in the food court of your life. While the offers to get a free sample may be tempting, just like hearing about a great restaurant from a friend, a man's intention when showing up to the food court is to buy a combo from you, and only you. Men ask around about the women that they are interested in, and hearing great reviews about you really helps to help a man to "see" you as something he may want. If he has heard great things about you, and when meeting you for the first time your menu is great, and your presentation is tight, then you can count on a man buying what you have to offer.

"Free samples" lead to insecurity in your true position in a man's life. The right man will see what you have to offer, hear about your good name from other people, and just want to have you. He will want you even while standing in the middle of the food court full of people offering chicken on a stick standing all around him. He will see you as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh and choose you over everyone else. Free samples can't offer you that. Making him wait 90 days before giving him a free sample can't offer you that either, only God's way can.

James is the host and a contributing writer for FindingMorris.com

Butterflies

Do those butterflies you feel with a person the key to making a relationship last forever? I used to think so until a mentor of mine shared how important it is for a man to find his wife, declare his love and then marry her. The conversation was perplexing to me at the time, mostly because I thought the butterflies or chemistry I felt was more important than how the man felt about me. As far as I was concerned, if I liked a guy everything would be fine. All I had to do was show my interest. But for some reason, that logic didn't seem to be working for me.
I needed to know how to weed out the life draining, unfaithful men, and receive God's best for me and my mentor took it upon himself to show me how.

"Before I allowed God to change my heart, I tended to gauge my interest in a guy by the level chemistry I felt when we were together. Rolled into that was height, weight, education level and even what shade he was."

If you must know, I was a personal fan of the chocolate variety :-) I let myself be swooned by his swagger telling myself that we had real "chemistry." Never leaving too much room for him to run me down like Pepe Le Pew, I assumed that the man that I liked would somehow find his way to loving me forever. In some cases, a certain type of love was present, but not the kind that creates a joyful lifelong marriage.

Three years ago, I called my mentor and reminded him of how he blessed me by allowing me to see how a God fearing man loves his wife. He was always so attentive to her, providing not only a good life, but one that supported her spirit as well. You could tell they were real genuine friends. When I saw similar characteristics in my future husband, I was able to push pass my physical checklist and receive him into my life. You've heard it on the FindingMorris show. James wasn't my type at first. After all, he wasn't even chocolate. :-) But as I allowed him in, the chemistry I swore could never be found was there in abundance. And that "chemistry" grew out of the biggest thing that we had in common--God. I understand when single women say that without chemistry a relationship can't work. Hey, I used to be that woman. I challenge you to dig a little deeper and let the chemistry you expect to feel early on to develop on it's own. Consider a man that you wouldn't normally go for and let him demonstrate the love he has to give. Allow him to share his heart, his life and his love for the things that make you, you. That's what I did. Over time, James felt special to me and the moment he first kissed me I knew that he loved me deeper than I could imagine. In fact, the emotion was so great that I cried. Opening myself up and accepting a man based on his Godly ways really blessed me, and God will do the same for you too. God changed my heart and I'm better for it. Embrace the notion that you are the princess in the relationship, let a Godly man love you, and the chemistry you can't seem to live without will eventually find you.

Kanika is a writer, and Producer for FindingMorris.com

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Three

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

1. BEGIN WITH PURSUING GOD AND BECOME THE HEALTHIEST PERSON YOU CAN BECOME.

Dating begins with you being in a process of becoming the most complete, honest, loving, creative, satisfied person you can be. That kind of life comes from seeking God, allowing him to lead you into the growth that you need and following his righteousness as best you can. Then, as you find the right way to be in a relationship, the rest will fall into place. A healthy person dates in healthy ways and is able to attract healthy and satisfying people.


2. GET YOUR RELATIONSHIPS NEEDS MET OUTSIDE THE DATING CONTEXT.

You need to get to a place where your life is so full without a mate that you will not be distressed or lonely when you do not have one in your life. As you begin to let other supportive people get close to you, know your heart, and touch your loneliness and some of your hurts, you will become stronger and you will find yourself dating out of a desire to find someone with whom to share your life with, as opposed to a desire to get a life.

3. LEARN YOUR PATTERNS AND WORK ON THEM SO YOU DO NOT REPEAT THEM.

Whatever the situation, we usually have something to do with either creating the pattern or allowing it to be present. When we begin to see our patterns, we can do something about them, before they cause serious problems. To do this however, you will need to find out why you have this pattern. Why are you attracted to certain kinds of people and what sucks you in?

Stay in touch

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Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

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Who makes more? Does it matter?

I was talking to a single sister last week about what she was looking for in a husband and was somewhat surprised by how important a man's salary was to her. Christians talk a lot about sex and relationship drama, but we often feel a little "crunchy" when talking about our financial expectations. I guess it’s a bit too personal to share that you won’t marry someone who has credit problems, doesn’t have a college degree, or makes less money than you.

So, I spoke with more people about it and surprisingly more than one woman said she wouldn’t consider a guy who made less money than her. I understand the desire for financial security, but having a restrictive policy about money can disqualify a man who could be the perfect husband for you. The Word of God teaches us that He is more concerned that your potential Boaz having the heart to learn and do the right thing with the money he has. If he’s a tither, giver and is disciplined enough to understand the value of saving should he qualify. Failing to receive that man because of his current money state is kin to ignoring the principles
God has given us for righteous living. Don't blow this principled dude off just because he uses the 1040EZ form.

I know it’s tough for many women to conceive of having
babies with a man that makes less than she does. From jump street
women are thinking about, if I make more then him, how can
I take time off from work to have his babies with only his income to
sustain us. Women are also concerned about how he feels about her
higher income. "Will he still feel like the man if I am bringing more
home than him?" Keeping it real some women wonder if she can still
see him as "the man" if he makes less. Men should understand a woman’s need for security and should be willing to do whatever it takes to offer that security to her. Anything legal or moral that is ☺

Here is the balance. It's the principles of God that we can surely
lean on to give us stable and dependable advice about all dating criteria. Making a decision about which man to date based on his income has it's place in your deliberations. However, his salary or lack there of, should not be considered higher than any principle of God. If your potential spouse is short on cash, but high on patience and
character shouldn’t you be open to marrying him? If your potential husband is committed to the things of God, the two of you agree on the core areas of life, and if he is pleased to
dwell with you, sounds like you have already heard from God. Would you
really let that kind of man go because he makes less money than you?

Praying our sisters won't miss God ever again! In Jesus' name. Amen!

James is the host and a contributing writer for FindingMorris.com