The Perfect Man
I recently posted the following question on Facebook:
“Single women::: The guy is perfect, everything you are looking for in every way, but one. He's not interested in serious dating. He doesn't want to court you. He is however, genuinely interested in you and wants to take you out. Would you go out with him? If so, how long would you date him?”
I was surprised by the responses we received from some of the women that follow us on Facebook. Even more interesting, the men who are often mute on most subjects, seemed to have a lot to say on the issue. I wondered why until I spoke offline to many of them. They warned women of the dangers connected to dating a man that is non-committed to getting married to you. (Listen to this episode at FM39)
"When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married."In full disclosure, the question is really not about "the perfect man" at all. It's about what a woman is willing to receive from a man. Even though a woman can go out with whomever she pleases, she should do so with guidance from the Holy Spirit and paying attention to all of the natural evidence. God knows your hearts desire. But when you allow your emotions to fill your heart with "Mr. I’m not ready,” you shut out the greater blessing that God is trying to give you. Time is one of the most precious gifts you own. And giving away your gift to a man that is not where you are on the "ready to be married" continuum, doesn't work. He may have Christ like character and all the qualities you want, but even the tight ab's of your dreams won’t matter if he is not ready to court you with the intention of marriage. Dating a man who is openly or secretly non-committed sets you up for being taken advantage of. The truth is, no matter how much you try to help or how much you give to a man, commitment has to be the man’s idea. Otherwise he’ll grow resentment for you and whatever you built without his leadership.
I know your cousin Lisa married a man that told her that he wasn't interested in marriage and now they are married and have a fly crib in Alpharetta (an ATL suburb). Did cousin Lisa also tell you that his double mindedness caused her periods of hell on earth dealing with his flip-flopping between her and another woman? Truth is, the uncommitted man rarely changes his ways. And if he does, it is usually not for your benefit. How unstable is a double-minded man? The Bible says, in all of his ways (James 1:8).
Real Talk. The majority of men, in their natural minds, see dating as necessary for sex and NOT the precursor to a joy-filled lifelong marriage. For them, sex is the main reason for wanting the company of a woman. When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married. And that’s without the ring, the dress and the ceremony. Don’t gamble away the best years of your life on the hopes that one day your perfect man will change his mind. Keep it moving. Make him pay the price to have you. You should be so expensive to him that he can only afford one of you. Believe me, if you’re the one he wants he’ll do whatever it takes that is legal or moral to make you his own. And it won’t take a bunch of years to do it.
James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com
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