Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

To comment on the post click comment below

Who makes more? Does it matter?

I was talking to a single sister last week about what she was looking for in a husband and was somewhat surprised by how important a man's salary was to her. Christians talk a lot about sex and relationship drama, but we often feel a little "crunchy" when talking about our financial expectations. I guess it’s a bit too personal to share that you won’t marry someone who has credit problems, doesn’t have a college degree, or makes less money than you.

So, I spoke with more people about it and surprisingly more than one woman said she wouldn’t consider a guy who made less money than her. I understand the desire for financial security, but having a restrictive policy about money can disqualify a man who could be the perfect husband for you. The Word of God teaches us that He is more concerned that your potential Boaz having the heart to learn and do the right thing with the money he has. If he’s a tither, giver and is disciplined enough to understand the value of saving should he qualify. Failing to receive that man because of his current money state is kin to ignoring the principles
God has given us for righteous living. Don't blow this principled dude off just because he uses the 1040EZ form.

I know it’s tough for many women to conceive of having
babies with a man that makes less than she does. From jump street
women are thinking about, if I make more then him, how can
I take time off from work to have his babies with only his income to
sustain us. Women are also concerned about how he feels about her
higher income. "Will he still feel like the man if I am bringing more
home than him?" Keeping it real some women wonder if she can still
see him as "the man" if he makes less. Men should understand a woman’s need for security and should be willing to do whatever it takes to offer that security to her. Anything legal or moral that is ☺

Here is the balance. It's the principles of God that we can surely
lean on to give us stable and dependable advice about all dating criteria. Making a decision about which man to date based on his income has it's place in your deliberations. However, his salary or lack there of, should not be considered higher than any principle of God. If your potential spouse is short on cash, but high on patience and
character shouldn’t you be open to marrying him? If your potential husband is committed to the things of God, the two of you agree on the core areas of life, and if he is pleased to
dwell with you, sounds like you have already heard from God. Would you
really let that kind of man go because he makes less money than you?

Praying our sisters won't miss God ever again! In Jesus' name. Amen!

James is the host and a contributing writer for FindingMorris.com

FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2

Listen now online 24/7:
FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2 (25:39)

Kanika and I talk about what are the benefits of dating like a Christian?

Having trouble listening? -->Try here

The FM newsletter will deal with money in dating, detoxing from toxic men and women, FindingMorris Newsletter sign up--> http://tinyurl.com/FM-sign-up

FM TRIVIA: You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one.

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or leave your name and city at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

************************ADVERTISEMENT*************************
Finding Morris is also brought to you by TellOurLoveStory.com What these guys do is great. They create a custom made videos of you and your love in the style of E! true hollywood story. Imagine having a video like this for your wedding, your graduation, your family reunion. Visit TellOurLoveStory.com today and tell them that you you heard about them on FindingMorris.com for a 25% discount.
******************************************************************
Our Praying Music :-) is from Lionel Jones
MySpace URL:
http://www.myspace.com/papajones7

Stay in touch

• NEWSLETTER SIGN-UP
• FM FACEBOOK
• FM TWITTER
• FM MYSPACE PAGE
• Email us at Finding Morris (at) Gmail (dot) com
• FindingMorris.com • Attn: BLOG • P.O. box 18351 • Atlanta, GA 30316
• 404-567-5752

12 tips for Christian dating, Part Two

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

4. DATING ACCORDING TO A FEW NON-NEGOTIABLE VALUES.

You will be less likely to stay in a relationship that is bad for you if you before you date have a clear idea of what values you want to guide your life. People can be pretty subtle about their dark sides. So have a set of values that inform your dating decisions. Those values should act as an alarm system when someone you are dating violates them.


5. EXPAND YOUR TASTE.

Be open to going out with people whom you would normally not have on your list. Date to learn. Date to have fun. Date to have meaningful interactions with human beings. Look at each situation as a chance to get to know a person and find out something about you.



6. BE YOURSELF, FROM THE BEGINNING.

Pretending to be someone you aren’t rules out the possibility of real intimacy. Differences are exciting and part of what a real relationship is about. Sparks and chemistry come not only from where you are alike and already connected but also from where you are different. Differences create space between people where longing and desire can develop. There is a desire to join and enjoy what you do not possess. You are enlarged by the other person.


7. DON’T PUT UP WITH BAD BEHAVIOR, AND SET GOOD BOUNDARIES.

Many people put up with a lot of disrespect in dating and then wonder why they are in a problem relationship. Remember, you will get what you tolerate. If you see patterns that you do not want to be there, deal with them early. If the person you are dating stops the negative behavior, you come out ahead. If they don’t like being confronted and goes away, you still come out ahead. Both results are good for you. You cannot loose.


8. TAKE YOUR TIME

Don’t move into a relationship too quickly. Take the time to get to know a person in different situations; get to know his or her friends, values, family, faith everything you can know about someone. You have to make sure that you are not just indulging your hormones or fantasies when you open the door of your heart and get serious with someone. Take the time to make sure you know a person well before getting into a serious or exclusive dating relationship. If the other person has a problem with that, see it as a warning sign. It may point to a need to control or be dependent.

Stay in touch

• NEWSLETTER SIGN-UP
• FM FACEBOOK
• FM TWITTER
• FM MYSPACE PAGE
• Email us at Finding Morris (at) Gmail (dot) com
• James from FindingMorris.com • Attn: BLOG • P.O. box 18351 • Atlanta, GA 30316
• 404-567-5752

12 tips for Christian dating, Part One

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. If your cousin Lisa is asking you out to "ESSO" (ATL club) and needs to drop by the weed spot on the way, you may not want to get her counsel about your dating situation. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

9. STAY CONNECTED

Don’t date in isolation. Integrate the person you are dating into your community of friends. Allow your friends to be your spiritual family and depend on them for input. By staying connected to a community, you will ensure that your deepest needs will be met, you will get support and accountability, and from that strong base you will make better decisions.



10. GET ACTIVE

God provides as you seek him, but he also wants us to be doing our part of getting into life and being in the real world.


Here are a few ways you could begin to meet more people:

· network with family and friends. · Pursue the things you enjoy.

· join others who have the same need. · use your gift of hospitality.

· do something structured.



11. LOOK IN THE MIRROR

If you are taking steps to meet new people and no one is showing interest in you, ask yourself why. Maybe there is something about your personality, or behavior, or the way you come across to others that you are not aware of that is getting in the way. Ask yourself, “What am I doing to make someone to whom others would be attracted? What do I need to learn about myself that might be keeping me stuck?” Find some friends who will be honest with you and give you feed back. Maybe there is a real problem that you can work on, and you may find some good things happening.



12. KEEP YOURSELF PURE

Do not set yourself up by being promiscuous, even in a more serious relationship. You will have no idea what is truly going on and will not know what part of sex is playing in making it all work. Then later, when there is all the pressure of commitment, conflict, children and the like, you might find that there was a shaky foundation from the beginning.

Stay in touch

• NEWSLETTER SIGN-UP
• FM FACEBOOK
• FM TWITTER
• FM MYSPACE PAGE
• Email us at Finding Morris (at) Gmail (dot) com
• FindingMorris.com • Attn: BLOG • P.O. box 18351 • Atlanta, GA 30316
• 404-567-5752
  

The Bachelor Fiasco

FM36-The Bachelor fiasco (27:34) Listen as Kanika and I talk about The Bachelor and the hot topic “If men know what they want”.
This is part one of two. You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one. Don't worry, the men will be back to address your dating questions in the days and weeks ahead.-->Listen here

Is your computer having trouble hearing the show-->Click here

The sex in 90 days game

Here is the 2nd most asked question at FindingMorris and rising fast: Will a man marry a woman after premarital sex? On a recent episode of Oprah, Steve Harvey compares having pre-marital sex with a man to the 90 day probationary period that is found in the corporate workplace. The theory is to make a man wait 90 days before having sex with him. I guess compared to God's plan of waiting until your married Steve's plan may seem like the better option. After all, Steve says 90 days gives a woman enough time to determined if a brother is easy to work with, if he works well with others, in other words if he's worthy.

The questions is worthy of what? Most women have pre-marital sex with men for many reasons:
To be loved
To be married
Because their horny
To get us to stay
Because if they don't, some other woman will
Because they are in love with us
and my favorite, because they think they are in a relationship with the guy

"But most men have pre-marital sex for one reason. Because their horny"

With men on one side, and women on the other side, each with different motives in all cases but one; what is a sistah to do? See the worthiness that Steve Harvey is talking about is NOT the same worthiness that God speaks of. God built us and knew us before we were knitted in the womb. He understands our nature better than anyone. God knows that if most men got the ...ahem..."benefits" before marriage, that he would have little interest in pursuing a covenant marriage with THAT women. Men that get benefits before marriage, are well fed, and don't get grief about it often become "parked cars" along the road to marriage.

Okay I know your girl Lisa "gave up the draws" and her boyfriend married her. Did Lisa tell you about the ultimatum she gave him that made him pop the question? Did she tell you that he married her because she got pregnant? Lisa may not have shared the facts that she was giving him money, paid his bills or that she organized his office. She certainly didn't share that she was secretly a "ride - or - die chick" for him that stayed around long enough to out last the other chicks that he was sleeping with.

I'm not saying that Lisa's boyfriend didn't love her, i'm saying that if the goal is to be married, then giving him a 90 day evaluation before having sex with him IS NOT going to help you determine if he is worthy of you or not. 90 days is just the latest common wisdom designed to distract you. I know that everyone is doing it that way, but God told us that His way would be the narrow, less traveled, sure pathway that leads us to righteousness. If the man you date says that he loves you, he can demonstrate that best by first honoring God by leading you into marriage before the bedroom.

James is a contributing writer and host of FindingMorris.com


To comment on our BLOGS click on the comment link below:

Playing games with God

Before I gave my singleness to God, it seemed that every three to six months I found myself interested in someone. I’d date him for three months, but most times it didn’t go any further. By my late twenties, the pattern became a great frustration to me. I knew being celibate would be a turn off to most men, but I never thought it would hinder me from getting married. Yet, like clockwork by month three he was gone taking my heart with him.

By the time I was 28, I was in a real funk. Men no longer asked me out. They weren’t striking up conversations with me in the grocery aisle. I felt like God was hiding me away, letting my best years pass me by. I just wanted to be loved like everybody else. This was the worst year of my loneliness. I began to feel that I couldn’t do any better. And it was also the year that God was able to get my attention.

You see, God will not play second best to your desires. I could have whined all I wanted for the next ten years about why I wasn’t married, but the fact remains;

"I was playing games with God by keeping him from having an active role in my dating life. I made choices on whom to date without consulting Him."

I said my Hallelujah’s at church, yet when it came to giving my heart to someone I was the master of my life. It’s tough to admit, but it was pride that was keeping me from the life of my dreams.

Once I made up my mind to stick closer to God, my outlook on life slowly began to change. Even though I often cried myself to sleep from the loneliness, I began to feel the Lord’s arms comforting me. In His Word I discovered the depth of His unconditional love and what kind of man I should accept into my life. If marriage was my heart’s desire, I had to take the cue from heavenly Father and do away with childish things. It didn’t matter how great the guy was, whether my family liked him, or how much I once loved him. If he wasn’t the kind of man who put God’s desires above his own or someone who wasn’t sincerely dating me with the purpose of marriage, I had to let him go.

I know this sounds old fashioned. But I tell you, letting God into that part of my life protected me from hurt, gave me the confidence to believe that God was preparing me for the man that was best for me and allowed my heart to be available when my husband eventually showed up. If you find yourself "on the fence" of decision, run to the One who knows you best of all. Surrender your singleness by letting Jesus into every part of your life.

Let these men go if:

If he is not the kind of man who put God’s desires above his own
If he is someone who is not sincerely dating you with the purpose of marriage
If he loves anything more than God including his mother, his Madden football, his car, or his boys
If he doesn't have a plan for his life or isn't actively pursuing that plan
If he'd rather spend his money on himself rather than you
If he doesn't have have a good work ethic
If he doesn't work

Win a "What Boyfriend?" T-shirt

We are giving away a "What Boyfriend?" T-Shirt to the person with
the best dating question for our panel of single Christian brothers.
Just contact us at Finding Morris at Gmail.com
or if your not too shy leave your name and city along with your question at
404-567-5752