Are you the one?

Is it true that most men know within 365 days if you are "the one" for them?

For me It took 1 year of seeing her around, 1 year of becoming her friend....like a real friend.... 4 months of dating until I proclaimed her as the one and put a ring on it. I knew about 6 months into befriending her...I thought I knew even sooner but wasn't sure.

If you have been dating a guy for more than 365 days...Please, please ask him. "Am I the one?" "How will you know the one when you see her?".... The words "You are the one" should be connected to some kind of action. When he really means it, the action will be connected to a date. When a man is for sho nuff ready he will even plan it down to a time. Praise God!
... See More
IF you have been dating a man for 365 days and you have been told that "your the one" and there are no actions, no dates, no times set then
"YOU ARE BEING TREATED LIKE A BACK POCKET CHICK."
You deserve better because men treat the back pocket chick as a plan B to whats really important in his life. School, some other chick, his money, etc.

Stay of you want to but hear me when I tell you. I did this to a woman for 8 years! You got a decade to wait on some dude that says that "your the one" but wont put a ring on it? That IS NOT wisdom. You have to realize that a man that calls you the one but wont marry you doesn't really mean it. What he is really communicating to you is that you are A WIFE and not you are MY WIFE. His actions or lack thereof are evidence of this. (ouch!) Sorry

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Christian dating panel VIDEO

Christian dating panel VIDEO

Yo let me tell you. Nikki Washington from GLOW magazine hosted this Christian Dating panel and my wife and I were so blessed to be there. We covered it all from STD's when dating, to sex, masturbation, and physical attributes. I'm sure you will enjoy this great discussion.

This video is in 3 parts and the total run time is (2:30) total

The Perfect Man

The Perfect Man
I recently posted the following question on Facebook:
“Single women::: The guy is perfect, everything you are looking for in every way, but one. He's not interested in serious dating. He doesn't want to court you. He is however, genuinely interested in you and wants to take you out. Would you go out with him? If so, how long would you date him?”
I was surprised by the responses we received from some of the women that follow us on Facebook. Even more interesting, the men who are often mute on most subjects, seemed to have a lot to say on the issue. I wondered why until I spoke offline to many of them. They warned women of the dangers connected to dating a man that is non-committed to getting married to you. (Listen to this episode at FM39)

"When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married."

In full disclosure, the question is really not about "the perfect man" at all. It's about what a woman is willing to receive from a man. Even though a woman can go out with whomever she pleases, she should do so with guidance from the Holy Spirit and paying attention to all of the natural evidence. God knows your hearts desire. But when you allow your emotions to fill your heart with "Mr. I’m not ready,” you shut out the greater blessing that God is trying to give you. Time is one of the most precious gifts you own. And giving away your gift to a man that is not where you are on the "ready to be married" continuum, doesn't work. He may have Christ like character and all the qualities you want, but even the tight ab's of your dreams won’t matter if he is not ready to court you with the intention of marriage. Dating a man who is openly or secretly non-committed sets you up for being taken advantage of. The truth is, no matter how much you try to help or how much you give to a man, commitment has to be the man’s idea. Otherwise he’ll grow resentment for you and whatever you built without his leadership.

I know your cousin Lisa married a man that told her that he wasn't interested in marriage and now they are married and have a fly crib in Alpharetta (an ATL suburb). Did cousin Lisa also tell you that his double mindedness caused her periods of hell on earth dealing with his flip-flopping between her and another woman? Truth is, the uncommitted man rarely changes his ways. And if he does, it is usually not for your benefit. How unstable is a double-minded man? The Bible says, in all of his ways (James 1:8).

Real Talk. The majority of men, in their natural minds, see dating as necessary for sex and NOT the precursor to a joy-filled lifelong marriage. For them, sex is the main reason for wanting the company of a woman. When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married. And that’s without the ring, the dress and the ceremony. Don’t gamble away the best years of your life on the hopes that one day your perfect man will change his mind. Keep it moving. Make him pay the price to have you. You should be so expensive to him that he can only afford one of you. Believe me, if you’re the one he wants he’ll do whatever it takes that is legal or moral to make you his own. And it won’t take a bunch of years to do it.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Walk into your husband's path

Walk into your husband's path

It’s interesting to me how some unmarried Christians seem to be committed to secular dating. You know what I’m talking about. Boy meets a nice girl, girl falls in love with boy, they become boyfriend and girlfriend until three years later boy confesses he’s not ready for marriage, girl sticks in there until boy becomes a man and marries her. It’s a dreadful cycle that hurts so many people in the process. As Christians, Jesus has called us to be in the world, but not of it. So why do we think it’s okay to date the way the world does and expect to achieve superior results?

My husband posted an question on facebook some weeks ago asking unmarried women if they would continue to date a man who was honest enough to share that he wasn’t interested in marriage? You should’ve seen the heated responses on both sides of the fence. Some said it would be foolish for a woman ready for marriage to date a man who wasn’t. Others complained that writing a man off because he’s not ready is premature. After all, he might be in transition, has been hurt in a previous relationship or could be ready after he’s reached his goals. We all have known success stories where a woman travailed to become the last woman standing. She may have been in her 20’s when the relationship began and is now in her 30’s. She had vision for what he would eventually become and chose to love him unconditionally. I admit it’s a beautiful thing for a woman to stand by her man. Yet, I wonder if waiting for a man who is not your husband sets you up for an emotional roller coaster of uncertainty and pain.

I am somewhat of a traditionalist and I make no concessions for that. My values in the area of dating are what many might consider old-fashioned or out-of-style. But one thing I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work. I’ve loved and lost many times during my dating, rarely asking God to show me whom I should give my time and heart to. I’ve dated men who said they wanted to get married only to discover that they weren’t ready. I’ve dated many others who said they weren’t interested in anything serious just to see if I’d stick around long enough through their indiscretions. Through all the tears, I finally got the lesson that men will take advantage if you let them. I had to take a stand and follow God's lead in my dating. It was the only way to protecting my heart and being ready to receive the man who was ready to be my husband.

" What I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work."

For all of our wonderful qualities, women often make the mistake of allowing our heart to rest in places that are not appropriate for us. We’re too willing to adjust our values, our desires and our dreams for what we perceive to be the love of our lives. It’s a bit ironic because God has always regarded woman as the jewel to be found, not the other way around. You are the prize and should be treated as the precious jewel that you are. Committing to a broken man or one who isn’t ready for the type of relationship you want is not God’s best. Marrying a person who felt pressured to marry or someone whose emotional pain hasn’t been dealt with will challenge every aspect of your relationship. Why go through all of that drama if you don’t have to? Rather than waiting for the man to come around, why not flip the script and be such a standout that he’ll either have to step-up or regret that he lost you. How do you accomplish this? Walk into your husband's path. Keep your standards high, pursue your passions and only allow your heart to be filled by the man who is ready to make you his wife.

Kanika is a Producer / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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How do I change a booty call into a marriage?

Single women::: How do you transfer a booty call based interaction into a lifelong joy-filled marriage?

If a woman expects to have an actual man that is strong and loving without being lame or a punk, she must also agree that the terms of your interaction should be named by the man. In other words, it's a booty call if the man calls it a booty call. A woman can label it anything she wants to. Just keep in mind that God's first job for man was to name a thing. It's one of the things that He has called us to do.

No matter what you do, you cannot transform a booty call interaction into a joy-filled lifelong marriage, only he can. It's got to be his idea. You cannot lay the Vi-Jay-Jay down or rock his world well enough to change his mind for him. You cannot love his family enough, including his kids to change his mind about pursuing a relationship that will end in a great marriage. You cannot even go through a man's stomach with your famous baked chicken plate well enough to change his mind.

Let the changing of his mind come from God. Doing it this way brings honor to God and solidifies his mind in a more stable, concrete way. It's the only thing you can depend on.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Butterflies

Do those butterflies you feel with a person the key to making a relationship last forever? I used to think so until a mentor of mine shared how important it is for a man to find his wife, declare his love and then marry her. The conversation was perplexing to me at the time, mostly because I thought the butterflies or chemistry I felt was more important than how the man felt about me. As far as I was concerned, if I liked a guy everything would be fine. All I had to do was show my interest. But for some reason, that logic didn't seem to be working for me.
I needed to know how to weed out the life draining, unfaithful men, and receive God's best for me and my mentor took it upon himself to show me how.

"Before I allowed God to change my heart, I tended to gauge my interest in a guy by the level chemistry I felt when we were together. Rolled into that was height, weight, education level and even what shade he was."

If you must know, I was a personal fan of the chocolate variety :-) I let myself be swooned by his swagger telling myself that we had real "chemistry." Never leaving too much room for him to run me down like Pepe Le Pew, I assumed that the man that I liked would somehow find his way to loving me forever. In some cases, a certain type of love was present, but not the kind that creates a joyful lifelong marriage.

Three years ago, I called my mentor and reminded him of how he blessed me by allowing me to see how a God fearing man loves his wife. He was always so attentive to her, providing not only a good life, but one that supported her spirit as well. You could tell they were real genuine friends. When I saw similar characteristics in my future husband, I was able to push pass my physical checklist and receive him into my life. You've heard it on the FindingMorris show. James wasn't my type at first. After all, he wasn't even chocolate. :-) But as I allowed him in, the chemistry I swore could never be found was there in abundance. And that "chemistry" grew out of the biggest thing that we had in common--God. I understand when single women say that without chemistry a relationship can't work. Hey, I used to be that woman. I challenge you to dig a little deeper and let the chemistry you expect to feel early on to develop on it's own. Consider a man that you wouldn't normally go for and let him demonstrate the love he has to give. Allow him to share his heart, his life and his love for the things that make you, you. That's what I did. Over time, James felt special to me and the moment he first kissed me I knew that he loved me deeper than I could imagine. In fact, the emotion was so great that I cried. Opening myself up and accepting a man based on his Godly ways really blessed me, and God will do the same for you too. God changed my heart and I'm better for it. Embrace the notion that you are the princess in the relationship, let a Godly man love you, and the chemistry you can't seem to live without will eventually find you.

Kanika is a writer, and Producer for FindingMorris.com

Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

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FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2

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FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2 (25:39)

Kanika and I talk about what are the benefits of dating like a Christian?

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The FM newsletter will deal with money in dating, detoxing from toxic men and women, FindingMorris Newsletter sign up--> http://tinyurl.com/FM-sign-up

FM TRIVIA: You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one.

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or leave your name and city at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

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Finding Morris is also brought to you by TellOurLoveStory.com What these guys do is great. They create a custom made videos of you and your love in the style of E! true hollywood story. Imagine having a video like this for your wedding, your graduation, your family reunion. Visit TellOurLoveStory.com today and tell them that you you heard about them on FindingMorris.com for a 25% discount.
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The sex in 90 days game

Here is the 2nd most asked question at FindingMorris and rising fast: Will a man marry a woman after premarital sex? On a recent episode of Oprah, Steve Harvey compares having pre-marital sex with a man to the 90 day probationary period that is found in the corporate workplace. The theory is to make a man wait 90 days before having sex with him. I guess compared to God's plan of waiting until your married Steve's plan may seem like the better option. After all, Steve says 90 days gives a woman enough time to determined if a brother is easy to work with, if he works well with others, in other words if he's worthy.

The questions is worthy of what? Most women have pre-marital sex with men for many reasons:
To be loved
To be married
Because their horny
To get us to stay
Because if they don't, some other woman will
Because they are in love with us
and my favorite, because they think they are in a relationship with the guy

"But most men have pre-marital sex for one reason. Because their horny"

With men on one side, and women on the other side, each with different motives in all cases but one; what is a sistah to do? See the worthiness that Steve Harvey is talking about is NOT the same worthiness that God speaks of. God built us and knew us before we were knitted in the womb. He understands our nature better than anyone. God knows that if most men got the ...ahem..."benefits" before marriage, that he would have little interest in pursuing a covenant marriage with THAT women. Men that get benefits before marriage, are well fed, and don't get grief about it often become "parked cars" along the road to marriage.

Okay I know your girl Lisa "gave up the draws" and her boyfriend married her. Did Lisa tell you about the ultimatum she gave him that made him pop the question? Did she tell you that he married her because she got pregnant? Lisa may not have shared the facts that she was giving him money, paid his bills or that she organized his office. She certainly didn't share that she was secretly a "ride - or - die chick" for him that stayed around long enough to out last the other chicks that he was sleeping with.

I'm not saying that Lisa's boyfriend didn't love her, i'm saying that if the goal is to be married, then giving him a 90 day evaluation before having sex with him IS NOT going to help you determine if he is worthy of you or not. 90 days is just the latest common wisdom designed to distract you. I know that everyone is doing it that way, but God told us that His way would be the narrow, less traveled, sure pathway that leads us to righteousness. If the man you date says that he loves you, he can demonstrate that best by first honoring God by leading you into marriage before the bedroom.

James is a contributing writer and host of FindingMorris.com


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Playing games with God

Before I gave my singleness to God, it seemed that every three to six months I found myself interested in someone. I’d date him for three months, but most times it didn’t go any further. By my late twenties, the pattern became a great frustration to me. I knew being celibate would be a turn off to most men, but I never thought it would hinder me from getting married. Yet, like clockwork by month three he was gone taking my heart with him.

By the time I was 28, I was in a real funk. Men no longer asked me out. They weren’t striking up conversations with me in the grocery aisle. I felt like God was hiding me away, letting my best years pass me by. I just wanted to be loved like everybody else. This was the worst year of my loneliness. I began to feel that I couldn’t do any better. And it was also the year that God was able to get my attention.

You see, God will not play second best to your desires. I could have whined all I wanted for the next ten years about why I wasn’t married, but the fact remains;

"I was playing games with God by keeping him from having an active role in my dating life. I made choices on whom to date without consulting Him."

I said my Hallelujah’s at church, yet when it came to giving my heart to someone I was the master of my life. It’s tough to admit, but it was pride that was keeping me from the life of my dreams.

Once I made up my mind to stick closer to God, my outlook on life slowly began to change. Even though I often cried myself to sleep from the loneliness, I began to feel the Lord’s arms comforting me. In His Word I discovered the depth of His unconditional love and what kind of man I should accept into my life. If marriage was my heart’s desire, I had to take the cue from heavenly Father and do away with childish things. It didn’t matter how great the guy was, whether my family liked him, or how much I once loved him. If he wasn’t the kind of man who put God’s desires above his own or someone who wasn’t sincerely dating me with the purpose of marriage, I had to let him go.

I know this sounds old fashioned. But I tell you, letting God into that part of my life protected me from hurt, gave me the confidence to believe that God was preparing me for the man that was best for me and allowed my heart to be available when my husband eventually showed up. If you find yourself "on the fence" of decision, run to the One who knows you best of all. Surrender your singleness by letting Jesus into every part of your life.

Let these men go if:

If he is not the kind of man who put God’s desires above his own
If he is someone who is not sincerely dating you with the purpose of marriage
If he loves anything more than God including his mother, his Madden football, his car, or his boys
If he doesn't have a plan for his life or isn't actively pursuing that plan
If he'd rather spend his money on himself rather than you
If he doesn't have have a good work ethic
If he doesn't work

Win a "What Boyfriend?" T-shirt

We are giving away a "What Boyfriend?" T-Shirt to the person with
the best dating question for our panel of single Christian brothers.
Just contact us at Finding Morris at Gmail.com
or if your not too shy leave your name and city along with your question at
404-567-5752

Am I Christian 1st, then Black 2nd?

Apparently I'm late to the game, but I just read that 70% of black women are single! WTH!??
I pray that our sisters get the memo, that we are Christians first, then we are black.
We often tell ourselves and others that God is the center of our lives. Yet we often times surround ourselves with people that don't honor God or His Word. I'm sure it's mostly because they are family or we find a sense of comfort knowing they share in the black experience. We should be ashamed of ourselves. God never told us to forsake his principles for the sake of our culture or ethnicity.

As a black man, I understand the solidarity we share as a community. We have depended on one another over the years for support, understanding, culture, and self-identity. We've found acceptance in our community when we were shunned elsewhere. Don't get it twisted. I love being black. I love my black people, but I don't identify with being black as my primary "click" or group of affiliation. See, I'm with Jesus first. You know why? Because support, understanding, culture, and self identity are NOT spiritual. They won't last forever. For example, I feel differently now about my self-identity then I did a month ago. The truth is only the things we do for God are permanent.

"Choosing a husband is the kind of decision that should be made based on secure principles that do not change."


I can hear someone saying, "Being black is not going to change the way society sees me. I didn't choose to be born black." This is true. Being black may be permanent in this earthly life, but it IS NOT spiritual. Here is what I'm saying. Knowing men like I do, you should be open to marry a Godly man regardless of his race. If I were a woman, I would be available to ALL single Christian men. Yes white single Christian men too. Now that IS spiritual. With that, you have effectively made God and His word your priority and NOT ascribing to some sense of racial loyalty. Having a Christ led family should be paramount to us. Choose the Christ in a man as a spiritual principle for Godly living. We overcome by the blood of the lamb, not by the blood in our veins, nor the blood of our forefathers.

James is the host of FindingMorris.com an Online Singles Ministry Radio program available 24/7

FM35-3rd Annual Valentines Day Show

We have the answers to the questions that single women asked our panel of Christian single brothers. Listen now...

FM35-3rd_Annual_Valentines_Day_(29:00)
• Will you still marry me if we have premarital sex?
• With all the beautiful saved women around, why are you still single?
• Why do men look at other women when we are together?
• Why do men hide their true feelings from women?

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or put “your stuff on blast” at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

************************ADVERTISEMENT*************************
Finding Morris is also brought to you by TellOurLoveStory.com What these guys do is great. They create a custom made videos of you and your love in the style of E! true hollywood story. Imagine having a video like this for your wedding, your graduation, your family reunion. Visit TellOurLoveStory.com today and tell them that you you heard about them on FindingMorris.com for a 25% discount.
******************************************************************
Our Praying Music :-) is from Lionel Jones
MySpace URL:
http://www.myspace.com/papajones7

Put a ring on it

Until I met my husband, I never understood men. I didn't understand what they liked, what motivated them or why the relationship, no matter how hard I tried would last no longer than a year. I knew that I was a nice girl, attractive, church going, faithful and family oriented. What guy wouldn't want to marry a woman that was educated, kind and knew how to throw down in the kitchen? Yet, with the hope of every new relationship came the dread that it would end before it began. Sometimes it was because he had a girlfriend that I didn't know about, other times because I didn't believe in sex before marriage, but the real reason was because he wanted somebody else. I thought something was wrong with me. Sadly, I was right. But it took a heartbreaking experience to show me how wrong I was.

I dated a man that was absolutely perfect on paper: Christian, family oriented, and educated with a stable career. Even though he lived in another town, we talked every day and saw each other on the weekends. He was single, never married, no kids and was very frugal with his money. Life was great with him, so it seemed. We were engaged within 8 months. The day we went ring shopping was my first warning. We went to one store and after talking to the sales woman he ordered the ring on credit with a full money-back guarantee. I didn't question it at first. I was just so happy to be "engaged." It would take 6 weeks to make it official. Little did I know that he had no intention of marrying me.

Within six weeks an old girlfriend showed up and he broke up with me. I was heartbroken.
"As hurtful as it was,
God allowed me to learn
a deep lesson about men."

They will sacrifice their lives for what they want. He wasn't willing to sacrifice for me, but he was willing to lay it all on the line for the desire of his heart. By the way, he ended up marring her. By not paying attention to his kind of giving, I committed myself to a man that was less than God's best for me.

It took almost five years of time with the Lord, allowing him to heal me from the inside out for my outlook on dating to change. So imagine my déjà vu the afternoon another young man guided me into a jewelry shop. I was petrified. I mean, what was he thinking? This man talked to the sales woman just as the other one had. He even asked me to try on a few for kicks. Yet, this moment was different. This man brokered the deal before my eyes sacrificing his very best to make me his wife. Although our love is bigger than the piece of jewelry I wear on my left finger, I find myself staring at it often. It's a constant reminder of how God exchanged my sorrow for joy. I know you want him to "put a ring on it", it just happened to me so trust me it does happen, there are good men out there. Don't use those butterfly's, or deep loving feelings to help you decide which one to choose. The man that is "the One" will put your Godly desires ahead of his own. He will sacrifice his best to marry you. Now let that man "put a ring on it!"

Kanika, is a writer and marketing professional with FindingMorris.com
Listen on Valentines Day for the next episode of findingmorris.com

Where is he taking you?

(Updated Wed 12-17-2008)

Where is he taking you exactly?

How would you describe a woman that would get into a car with a man that she doesn't know? My caribbean grandmother would call such a woman a "damn foolish good-for-nuthin gal." Thank God for Jesus and grace, so I'll just call her unwise.

Remember when our parents drilled into our heads, “don’t get into cars with strangers.” Somehow we’ve forgotten the wisdom of that lesson. Just because we’re adults we think it’s socially okay to get into the car with a virtual stranger on a date. In fact, when a guy asks out a woman, he usually offers her fun, a good time without any stated final destination. Fun can be dinner and dancing, a movie or a play, but to what end, and to what destination?

A wise sister knows the man that she’s getting a car ride from. She has done her homework, observed his relationship with God and knows how he treats other people, especially women. Sister’s are too often swayed by the promise of marriage by single brothers in the church who sit in the front row on Sunday morning, only to want to drive them to a motel afterwards. What would happen if sisters in the church found out if the man was actually marriage material before going out? What would happen if a woman knew the destination of the relationship, before the first date?

The shameful truth is that a man should share his vision for the relationship at the very beginning of the dating process. Sadly, many of us don't. Since many of us come up short in this area, it's important to protect your heart against disappointment by asking upfront, "Where are we going with this? Are you looking for a wife?” I know it’s a bold move, but it will save you a lot of time and heartache my “sistah.”

The kind of brother that you really want to be married to will tell you that he’s looking for a wife. The players will treat you like your overreacting, or dangle the bait with this classic line, “Well, I’m looking to get married someday.” By the way, that line kept a sister I dated in check for years.

Now I know some women are reading this saying “What he’s saying is crazy!” After all you don’t want to run him away. But if you have the courage to believe that God wants you to have a husband who is into you and no one else, loves you unconditionally, and supports every dream you have, you won’t get inside a stranger’s car (if he has a car) for dinner dates, movie dates, and family visits. You won’t allow yourself to meander through the relationship without a clear vision of his intentions.

If you have found yourself in his car, wondering; hey, where are you taking me, what are your plans for this relationship? Don’t be afraid to assert yourself and get him to “make it plain” for you. If you don’t, you may think he's driving you towards marriage, only to find he has intentions to stop-off at a motel. Avoid all of this, trust the Holy Ghost to guide you, and simply ask they guy you’re dating, “Where are you taking me?”

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program

Looking for a wife

Looking for a wife...
Hey all,
Ya'll know by now i'm recently married. My single male friends would love to know that there are so many well intention women of God around. You know what my friends find rare and precious when looking for a wife? A woman that is available, that is available emotionally, spiritually, and after marriage sexually. To my friends emotional availability looks like a woman with a sound mind, that is NOT emotionally connected to that guy from college or the ex-boyfriend that wont pop the question. Spiritual availability looks like a woman that loves God more than a man, a woman that honors God by living her life by His word. Sexual availability to my friends looks like a woman that is keeping her self for her husband to be. As you can imagine my boys are all desperately seeking the woman who upholds the sexual standard of God. Hallelujah and Amen :-)
Women who work those three things for God, will end up in the "FAV Five" of a man sooner. If your Boaz is anything like my friends, he will see you as set apart from all the other women here in Atlanta, and the fabled 11 to 1 odds wont mean a thing. The favor of God ain't fare.

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program

Lustful thoughts

Da video is HOT! I cant take anything away from it.
My brothers please know this. When we say that we have a thought of some woman that is NOT our wife, and it's a sexual thought, that right there is what God calls sin. In the video he says at "this" point there has been no sin (committed)
... WHAT??? I believe that he and God disagree on this point. Let's be real men of God, like for real, and own our crap by judging ourselves. We know God says in his word that whosoever thinks of a woman with lust has already committed adultery. So as a God's men lets stop looking at women "like that", repent, and NOT give those thoughts the glory.

My brothers God made women beautiful so recognizing their beauty is a good thing, but let God set the standard of what going too far is when we look. We have got to stop giving each other props when one of us is lusting over some woman
-James
James is the host of Fining Morris a online singles ministry radio program. Available now! 24 hours a day at:
http://findingmorris.com

Why brothers avoid marriage?

As Bill Cosby would say "c'mon people"! We know the root IS NOT role models, and statistics, and upbringing, and influences. Those things are the fruit and NOT the root. The majority of men DO NOT have a natural desire for marriage, but we do have a natural desire for Food,Sex, and Peace. That is stated more plainly as "feed me", "sex me", and "don't give me grief about it". Women can only safely depend on the God in a man that has given that man victory over his nature. Period. A man that is born again in Jesus Christ, a man that is accountable to other Godly men, a man that governs his life by the Holy Bible is worthy of your trust. That man will NOT avoid marriage, but he will seek you out for the express purpose of proposing it to you.

The question is would you receive him if God showed him to you?

-James
Listen to Finding Morris Online singles ministry radio program 24/7.

When should commitment begin?

When should commitment begin during the dating process
Annette writes:
Q: What I mean is that I don't limit myself to "one man" unless we're both considering marriage. I think the American way of dating is highly impractical. The point of dating is to get to know someone and see if they could be a potential life partner. The act of "committing" to one person not only limits your choices, it makes no sense because everyone breaks up in (dating) relationships except (in) one. Why not take out the middle man (committed dating) and save commitments for when they actually matter (in preparation for marriage). When I say I want to be free, I mean the freedom of being unattached to any brother until I think he is marriage material. If I think I could possibly marry the dude, then we can start talking about committed dating. Until then, they need to slow their roll. I'm not a ice cream flavor to be "taste-tested" before a purchase." I want a brother who already knows what his favorite flavor is--Me--and that's that. I won't settle for anything less. Being single without a significant other is not as bad as being single in a crappy relationship!

A:
Anette is from California. Thank you for your insight. IS SHE RIGHT?
Where did we get the idea that having a commitment before marriage is so important? Commit too soon and you could be stuck with somebody that you don't know very well. Or you could very well miss your Halle or Morris (God's best). Many Christians rush into a commitment. Our sistahs are especially susceptible to this because they want security. They want that feeling of warmth and comfort. They want to be covered by and connected to a man. Sometimes it seems any man will do as long as he has just a little Jesus in him.

Exclusively upgrading your dating status before you can clearly judge whether or not the other person has what it takes to to be a great spiritual partner is dangerous. By spiritual I'm not talking about church attendance alone (which is a great indicator by the way). Trust me when I tell you that you DO NOT want to be committed to someone that is NOT a good match for you spiritually. If your gift of speaking in unknown tongues is looked down upon, if giving God a tenth of your salary is foreign to them, if giving God praise during tough times is met with negativity, you may certainly desire to be free from that person and be joined to someone who is where you are in the Lord.

So when should commitment actually begin? Lets be real. In the beginning, we focus on how the other person makes us feel, how cute they are, what a good person they are, etc. All good stuff, just not spiritual stuff. Commit to soon and you'll risk being joined to the wrong person for you. You risk joining a person you don't know enough about. Especially considering that many of us often lack first hand knowledge of the persons' level of spirituality in the beginning. We think she is spiritual because she prays, but she can regularly be found cursing someone out of the same mouth that praises our God.

The things that matter spiritually should be apparent during the dating process. You get the chance to observe the other person's life with friends and family. Watch how they respond during stressful times, joyful times and their attitudes about money, and children are good indicators to look for. Get to know their thoughts about fornication and abstinence. When using the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, all of this and more can be discovered about a date without an exclusive commitment. In fact, the closer you get to the person your dating, the more you feel for them, the tougher it is to clearly discern the "core agreements" that are needed to have a successful marriage.

Yes I said the "M" word marriage. See that is what this is all about, first being marriage material yourself; then discovering that same qualities in the person your dating. Christians seem look to commitment as the litmus test for discovering the potential compatibility with someone you date. The truth is that ever person you will ever date will end up in a break - up, with the exception of one; the person you marry for a lifetime. Commitment, however, seems to pacify the fears of leary saints. Fears of being cheated on and fears of loving and not being loved in return.

My problem with these commitments is that they esteem your date's attributes as too important, when God and His principles are supposed to be the highest, and greatest thing. Many Christians simply do not know enough about the spiritual character of the people we date. In fact, most of us trust so deeply when entering into a commitment with someone that, in effect, the trust becomes like an offering of faith. Faith in anyone but God is sin. We need to see evidence from everyone but God before giving our trust.

Let me stop screwing around with this and tell you the real.(Lord help me) A great indication of your connection with the person you date is that they, on their own, no longer have the desire to go out with someone else. They feel this way because you interest them, they like you, they enjoy your company, your always on their mind, not because you manipulate them, "corner" them, or give them the ol' commitment ultimatum. They spend time with you out of their own free will and desire, and that is the way you should want it. Think about it, that is how God treats us. God doesn't even ask us to enter into relationship with Him, before you get a chance to know Him, and His glorious ways. Doesn't He say "hey, come to church, I wrote a little something for you that I want you to read. Keep hanging out with me and get to know me, I got some great news for you. Guess what I love you, and I loved you before you were born...." You get my drift, the point is that we want people to love us on purpose, because of who we are, just as God does.

I can hear some of you now saying, " So what am I supposed to do, meet somebody, then jump straight into getting married and then get to know them afterwards ...I'm not God!" Unequivocally, NO! Next time we are going to talk about that and how to trust God more than you trust your date. Check me out again in part two of the article we will talk about the myths surrounding "when should commitments begin?"

-James

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How often should a man call?

How often should a man call?

A very wise woman once told me that dating is mind over matter.
Which is if you mind, then it matters. The truth is that if it matters to you that he calls you regularly then you should not feel ashamed
or inadequate when asking to have your needs met. So how often should a man call a woman that he is dating, that can not be qualified by me or anyone else. Your standard of how much a man should call is the only right answer.

Many people would tell you "Girl, a good man is hard to find, don't loose your man over a little phone calling". Are they right? Remember this, these are the same people that probably dwell on the negative odds and the statistics about finding a man.

Let the Holy Ghost lead you into God's perfect peace about everything in your dating. So what do you do when a brother doesn't call you after several days?
Number one: Don't ignore the facts. The facts are that men go after what they want like car's, video games, and yes women. It may be uncomfortable to hear but men that don't call, don't come by, don't text, are busy thinking about something that they think is more important that you. (ouch) Sorry.
Number two:Don't make excuses for him. Communication and the lack there of is a core issue that two people must agree on. Couples with poor communication skills would most likely end up in daily conflict having disagreements in the area of communication.

You may say, but how do I know if it’s good to hear from him everyday? Here’s a good spiritual rule of thumb: If your desire for a phone call negatively affects his or your life's responsibilities like work, family, household responsibilities, church, etc. Your desire may be out of order. However, let's get this straight, let's keep it real now. For example,

"if the man you’re dating has gone to church on Sunday, spent time with his family, paid his bills, watched the football game and back-to-back re-runs of SportsCenter without giving you a call by 9:30 p.m. there is a very good chance that this brother does not have you filed in the priority folder of his life."

A brother with this kind of take-her-or-leave-her mentality could rapidly grow weary with you in a life long marriage. His communication style is purely self-involved and if you’re the type that enjoys being courted,and wooed, even after marriage, it’s better to recognize those signs earlier than later.

Now here is the thing, it's not your job to change him. Let me repeat. It is not your job to change him. Remember who you are. You are the missing piece from Adam’s side. This means that you will fit perfectly at the side of God's best man for you just as you are. You won’t have to force it, you will just fit into his life…and at his side there will be more than enough room for you.

James, Is the host of FindingMorris.com an Online Singles Ministry Radio 24-7-365
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