12 tips for Christian dating, Part Two

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers, who gave me Godly council to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

4. DATING ACCORDING TO A FEW NON-NEGOTIABLE VALUES.

You will be less likely to stay in a relationship that is bad for you if you before you date have a clear idea of what values you want to guide your life. People can be pretty subtle about their dark sides. So have a set of values that inform your dating decisions. Those values should act as an alarm system when someone you are dating violates them.


5. EXPAND YOUR TASTE.

Be open to going out with people whom you would normally not have on your list. Date to learn. Date to have fun. Date to have meaningful interactions with human beings. Look at each situation as a chance to get to know a person and find out something about you.



6. BE YOURSELF, FROM THE BEGINNING.

Pretending to be someone you aren’t rules out the possibility of real intimacy. Differences are exciting and part of what a real relationship is about. Sparks and chemistry come not only from where you are alike and already connected but also from where you are different. Differences create space between people where longing and desire can develop. There is a desire to join and enjoy what you do not possess. You are enlarged by the other person.


7. DON’T PUT UP WITH BAD BEHAVIOR, AND SET GOOD BOUNDARIES.

Many people put up with a lot of disrespect in dating and then wonder why they are in a problem relationship. Remember, you will get what you tolerate. If you see patterns that you do not want to be there, deal with them early. If the person you are dating stops the negative behavior, you come out ahead. If they don’t like being confronted and goes away, you still come out ahead. Both results are good for you. You cannot loose.


8. TAKE YOUR TIME

Don’t move into a relationship too quickly. Take the time to get to know a person in different situations; get to know his or her friends, values, family, faith everything you can know about someone. You have to make sure that you are not just indulging your hormones or fantasies when you open the door of your heart and get serious with someone. Take the time to make sure you know a person well before getting into a serious or exclusive dating relationship. If the other person has a problem with that, see it as a warning sign. It may point to a need to control or be dependent.

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12 tips for Christian dating, Part One

From the book: GOD WILL MAKE A WAY by Dr.’s Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Remember to keep your self accountable to Godly people when dating. If your cousin Lisa is asking you out to "ESSO" (ATL club) and needs to drop by the weed spot on the way, you may not want to get her counsel about your dating situation. This list blessed me when I was dating. When I didn't have my brothers to keep my accountable at midnight, I would look it over. Email us and I'll send you the entire thing. Check it out:

9. STAY CONNECTED

Don’t date in isolation. Integrate the person you are dating into your community of friends. Allow your friends to be your spiritual family and depend on them for input. By staying connected to a community, you will ensure that your deepest needs will be met, you will get support and accountability, and from that strong base you will make better decisions.



10. GET ACTIVE

God provides as you seek him, but he also wants us to be doing our part of getting into life and being in the real world.


Here are a few ways you could begin to meet more people:

· network with family and friends. · Pursue the things you enjoy.

· join others who have the same need. · use your gift of hospitality.

· do something structured.



11. LOOK IN THE MIRROR

If you are taking steps to meet new people and no one is showing interest in you, ask yourself why. Maybe there is something about your personality, or behavior, or the way you come across to others that you are not aware of that is getting in the way. Ask yourself, “What am I doing to make someone to whom others would be attracted? What do I need to learn about myself that might be keeping me stuck?” Find some friends who will be honest with you and give you feed back. Maybe there is a real problem that you can work on, and you may find some good things happening.



12. KEEP YOURSELF PURE

Do not set yourself up by being promiscuous, even in a more serious relationship. You will have no idea what is truly going on and will not know what part of sex is playing in making it all work. Then later, when there is all the pressure of commitment, conflict, children and the like, you might find that there was a shaky foundation from the beginning.

Stay in touch

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• Email us at Finding Morris (at) Gmail (dot) com
• FindingMorris.com • Attn: BLOG • P.O. box 18351 • Atlanta, GA 30316
• 404-567-5752
  

Where is he taking you?

(Updated Wed 12-17-2008)

Where is he taking you exactly?

How would you describe a woman that would get into a car with a man that she doesn't know? My caribbean grandmother would call such a woman a "damn foolish good-for-nuthin gal." Thank God for Jesus and grace, so I'll just call her unwise.

Remember when our parents drilled into our heads, “don’t get into cars with strangers.” Somehow we’ve forgotten the wisdom of that lesson. Just because we’re adults we think it’s socially okay to get into the car with a virtual stranger on a date. In fact, when a guy asks out a woman, he usually offers her fun, a good time without any stated final destination. Fun can be dinner and dancing, a movie or a play, but to what end, and to what destination?

A wise sister knows the man that she’s getting a car ride from. She has done her homework, observed his relationship with God and knows how he treats other people, especially women. Sister’s are too often swayed by the promise of marriage by single brothers in the church who sit in the front row on Sunday morning, only to want to drive them to a motel afterwards. What would happen if sisters in the church found out if the man was actually marriage material before going out? What would happen if a woman knew the destination of the relationship, before the first date?

The shameful truth is that a man should share his vision for the relationship at the very beginning of the dating process. Sadly, many of us don't. Since many of us come up short in this area, it's important to protect your heart against disappointment by asking upfront, "Where are we going with this? Are you looking for a wife?” I know it’s a bold move, but it will save you a lot of time and heartache my “sistah.”

The kind of brother that you really want to be married to will tell you that he’s looking for a wife. The players will treat you like your overreacting, or dangle the bait with this classic line, “Well, I’m looking to get married someday.” By the way, that line kept a sister I dated in check for years.

Now I know some women are reading this saying “What he’s saying is crazy!” After all you don’t want to run him away. But if you have the courage to believe that God wants you to have a husband who is into you and no one else, loves you unconditionally, and supports every dream you have, you won’t get inside a stranger’s car (if he has a car) for dinner dates, movie dates, and family visits. You won’t allow yourself to meander through the relationship without a clear vision of his intentions.

If you have found yourself in his car, wondering; hey, where are you taking me, what are your plans for this relationship? Don’t be afraid to assert yourself and get him to “make it plain” for you. If you don’t, you may think he's driving you towards marriage, only to find he has intentions to stop-off at a motel. Avoid all of this, trust the Holy Ghost to guide you, and simply ask they guy you’re dating, “Where are you taking me?”

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program