Your gifts not your list

The only person that can control is YOU! The best list you can male is about you and whom you need to be for the husband God has for you.
The right balance of looks spirituality and fun in a person can be too much to process and can take the joy out of the dating process. We all know on some level the kind of person we want, but where we often fall short is in our own preparation for our spouse. In the best marriages you will spend more time thinking of being the blessing than receiving a blessing. Serving them, not receiving from them.

What's more valuable then having a list of wants (especially for a woman) is having a list of your best gifts. Seeing these in writing will help you to clearly see where your best gifts should reside. You may date Johnny the accountant and learn that he is great with numbers and also needs to grow with his people skills. Just so happens that on YOUR LIST of gifts is people person. Johnny may be great in the kitchen but is often late and misses key appointments. On your list of gifts is planning.

"The point is your gifts shall make room for you, NOT your long list of things that you think he should have."

Your gifts should be the focus as one of your big responsibilities in marriage is to give to your spouse. Your gifts will make room in his mind, room in his heart, room in his wallet praise God :-). When your allow your gifts to bless a man it's hard for him not to reciprocate.

I say your list should be about what you give to your husband - to - be and then that list will help you to know and have peace about whom to choose. It will help you to clearly see the home for your best gifts to reside.

You can't control who approaches you for a date. You can however control your readiness so when the right one approaches you'll be confident and ready.

-James is the Host / Staff Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Christian dating panel VIDEO

Christian dating panel VIDEO

Yo let me tell you. Nikki Washington from GLOW magazine hosted this Christian Dating panel and my wife and I were so blessed to be there. We covered it all from STD's when dating, to sex, masturbation, and physical attributes. I'm sure you will enjoy this great discussion.

This video is in 3 parts and the total run time is (2:30) total

FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2

Listen now online 24/7:
FM37-The Bachelor fiasco 2 (25:39)

Kanika and I talk about what are the benefits of dating like a Christian?

Having trouble listening? -->Try here

The FM newsletter will deal with money in dating, detoxing from toxic men and women, FindingMorris Newsletter sign up--> http://tinyurl.com/FM-sign-up

FM TRIVIA: You may remember my wife (fiance’ at the time) from Finding Halle Episode one.

Contact us if you have any questions, topics, comments for the show call us anonymously or leave your name and city at (404)567-5752

Finding Morris is brought to you by the FM faithful, listeners like you. If Finding Morris has been a blessing to you, consider donating to support the program and blog as we serve you. Click on the Donate button on the upper right hand side on the main page. Sow your support into good ground, FindingMorris.com

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Where is he taking you?

(Updated Wed 12-17-2008)

Where is he taking you exactly?

How would you describe a woman that would get into a car with a man that she doesn't know? My caribbean grandmother would call such a woman a "damn foolish good-for-nuthin gal." Thank God for Jesus and grace, so I'll just call her unwise.

Remember when our parents drilled into our heads, “don’t get into cars with strangers.” Somehow we’ve forgotten the wisdom of that lesson. Just because we’re adults we think it’s socially okay to get into the car with a virtual stranger on a date. In fact, when a guy asks out a woman, he usually offers her fun, a good time without any stated final destination. Fun can be dinner and dancing, a movie or a play, but to what end, and to what destination?

A wise sister knows the man that she’s getting a car ride from. She has done her homework, observed his relationship with God and knows how he treats other people, especially women. Sister’s are too often swayed by the promise of marriage by single brothers in the church who sit in the front row on Sunday morning, only to want to drive them to a motel afterwards. What would happen if sisters in the church found out if the man was actually marriage material before going out? What would happen if a woman knew the destination of the relationship, before the first date?

The shameful truth is that a man should share his vision for the relationship at the very beginning of the dating process. Sadly, many of us don't. Since many of us come up short in this area, it's important to protect your heart against disappointment by asking upfront, "Where are we going with this? Are you looking for a wife?” I know it’s a bold move, but it will save you a lot of time and heartache my “sistah.”

The kind of brother that you really want to be married to will tell you that he’s looking for a wife. The players will treat you like your overreacting, or dangle the bait with this classic line, “Well, I’m looking to get married someday.” By the way, that line kept a sister I dated in check for years.

Now I know some women are reading this saying “What he’s saying is crazy!” After all you don’t want to run him away. But if you have the courage to believe that God wants you to have a husband who is into you and no one else, loves you unconditionally, and supports every dream you have, you won’t get inside a stranger’s car (if he has a car) for dinner dates, movie dates, and family visits. You won’t allow yourself to meander through the relationship without a clear vision of his intentions.

If you have found yourself in his car, wondering; hey, where are you taking me, what are your plans for this relationship? Don’t be afraid to assert yourself and get him to “make it plain” for you. If you don’t, you may think he's driving you towards marriage, only to find he has intentions to stop-off at a motel. Avoid all of this, trust the Holy Ghost to guide you, and simply ask they guy you’re dating, “Where are you taking me?”

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program

Looking for a wife

Looking for a wife...
Hey all,
Ya'll know by now i'm recently married. My single male friends would love to know that there are so many well intention women of God around. You know what my friends find rare and precious when looking for a wife? A woman that is available, that is available emotionally, spiritually, and after marriage sexually. To my friends emotional availability looks like a woman with a sound mind, that is NOT emotionally connected to that guy from college or the ex-boyfriend that wont pop the question. Spiritual availability looks like a woman that loves God more than a man, a woman that honors God by living her life by His word. Sexual availability to my friends looks like a woman that is keeping her self for her husband to be. As you can imagine my boys are all desperately seeking the woman who upholds the sexual standard of God. Hallelujah and Amen :-)
Women who work those three things for God, will end up in the "FAV Five" of a man sooner. If your Boaz is anything like my friends, he will see you as set apart from all the other women here in Atlanta, and the fabled 11 to 1 odds wont mean a thing. The favor of God ain't fare.

-James is the host of FindingMorris.com an online singles ministry radio program

How sistahs can truly "Find" Morris, Part 2

Let your brother tell you the truth. Only the men that come on to you, the blue men, will make great husbands. They will have the strength to honor you in a life-long marriage. Not necessarily "the gas station dude," but you get the drift. A word of advice, leave the men outside the blue section alone. I don't care how good he looks, or how much money he has. Even if you could get this manner of man to ask you out, you wouldn't be happy with him for a lifetime. Why? The bible says in James 1:8, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

Yet some women find themselves saying, "God told me that he was my husband." That may be true, but if the man has not received that revelation from God, he will not have the faith to love you as Christ loved the church much less lead you in a fulfilling marriage. James 1:6 says, “But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." Remember, a man who loves God above anything else will lead his family into righteousness and that also means honoring his relationships by stating his intentions.

Now, here is the good news. The other men in the red section are actually pursuing you. Looking at dating from this perspective actually increases your chances of Finding Morris. But the key now is to begin looking beyond the attraction into the spirit of the man and seeking God without allowing your emotions to thwart your decision-making. No matter how you look at it, this is the only group that can possibly have God's best husband for you in it. Here’s why:

* The men not on the chart are married
* Men in the large blue section are showing their interest, but you don't like them
* You like the men in the red section outside of the blue area, but they have not read God's memo about you.

That only leaves the men in the middle where there is mutual attraction (my favorite group). These are men that ask you out. They get your number and actually call it. Simply put, they "holla".

Without getting confused with emotions. You can easily look at these dudes and choose a great husband. These men are not married, you like them, they like you too, now here’s the bigger question...which one of them share my values? Come back next week and find out what you should be asking as you get to know these brothers.

-James and Kanika
You can comment on this or any post by clicking on comment below

How sistahs can truly "Find" Morris, Part 1

(Reading time: 2:00 minutes)

Here’s the deal and you know it’s true. Many "sistahs" are often wrapped up into this one guy. Maybe he’s the dude from college that she just loved so much, complete with soul-ties and all. Other times he’s this great guy, handsome successful, and committed in year one, two, a promise in year three and year four…ahem…all without a ring. Sound familiar?

What if you could discover a way to "find" the Morris for you without having to put up with “Mr. Can’t Commit?” Interested? If you’re a woman who desires to marry God’s choice, take a look at the crude little chart and read on.

The circle represents all of the unmarried men. As Christians, we are gonna believe and pray that all that read this are NOT dating married men. Amen. Of the unmarried men, the blue section represents the men around you that are trying to "Holler" (as we say in the South). Holler of course means a man that is asking you out, or coming on to you. These men are the nice guys who ask for your number, or for a dinner date, and yes this also includes the men who scream, "Hey shawty" at the gas station. Thank God for our men in the blue section.

Now the red section represents the men that you actually like. The key to this little exercise is simple. Notice that some of the "red men" are actually interested in you (inside the blue section), and some are not (outside of the blue section).

The challenge is that some sistahs are willing to pray for God to give them the man they are attracted to, even if that man is not coming on to them. They’ll stand on Psalms 37:4, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart,” and ignore the very next verse, Psalms 37:5, “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." So what is an eligible Christian woman to do? Should you just accept whatever comes along? Well come back next week as we bring it all together.

~James and Kanika

Finding Halle is On-Line Christian singles ministry radio.

FINDING HALLE.COM
Hey ya'll. There's one thing I know...men love beautiful women. And a woman who is beautiful inside and out is down right irresistible. So with all this beauty around, how does a Christian brotha find the ultimate dream girl designed just for him? How can God help him Find Halle?

EPISODE ONE IS LIVE at FindingHalle.com
The sisters talk about:

• How to give up looks and embrase the heart
• What does it mean to be equally yolked?

(TRT39:15) FH1 - Equally Yolked - Let go of Looks

What?...say it aint so. You put women on Finding Morris? Nope. Ya'll coming back on the air? Yup! As of right now were back, but this time it called Finding Halle! Brothers know that most of us want a woman that looks like Halle Berry, knows Jesus for herself but knows when to put the bible down, and make love to her husband. On Finding Morris we have this saying, that says: "We may not know women, but men we know" Finding Halle will serve the purpose of informing the brothers on the way women see dating as a Christian. In this inaugural episode our panel of Christian sisters discuss: What does it mean to be equally yolked? How to let go of looks, and embrace the heart?

Call us with your comments about the show, with topics, or just a shout out.
404-567-5752
Email us at findinghalle@gmail.com

Thanks, James FM/FH Producer