Is it time to Detox?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it, I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process when toxic waste is removed.

With the zeal of a school girl day one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.

This may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.

I’m not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of your life.

"Detoxing can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."

During my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my actions.

1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3. Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason: refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5. Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words, misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship. Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling" you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances. Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9. Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10. Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.

Number 10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back, especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them, remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for you.

Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com

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Am I Christian 1st, then Black 2nd?

Apparently I'm late to the game, but I just read that 70% of black women are single! WTH!??
I pray that our sisters get the memo, that we are Christians first, then we are black.
We often tell ourselves and others that God is the center of our lives. Yet we often times surround ourselves with people that don't honor God or His Word. I'm sure it's mostly because they are family or we find a sense of comfort knowing they share in the black experience. We should be ashamed of ourselves. God never told us to forsake his principles for the sake of our culture or ethnicity.

As a black man, I understand the solidarity we share as a community. We have depended on one another over the years for support, understanding, culture, and self-identity. We've found acceptance in our community when we were shunned elsewhere. Don't get it twisted. I love being black. I love my black people, but I don't identify with being black as my primary "click" or group of affiliation. See, I'm with Jesus first. You know why? Because support, understanding, culture, and self identity are NOT spiritual. They won't last forever. For example, I feel differently now about my self-identity then I did a month ago. The truth is only the things we do for God are permanent.

"Choosing a husband is the kind of decision that should be made based on secure principles that do not change."


I can hear someone saying, "Being black is not going to change the way society sees me. I didn't choose to be born black." This is true. Being black may be permanent in this earthly life, but it IS NOT spiritual. Here is what I'm saying. Knowing men like I do, you should be open to marry a Godly man regardless of his race. If I were a woman, I would be available to ALL single Christian men. Yes white single Christian men too. Now that IS spiritual. With that, you have effectively made God and His word your priority and NOT ascribing to some sense of racial loyalty. Having a Christ led family should be paramount to us. Choose the Christ in a man as a spiritual principle for Godly living. We overcome by the blood of the lamb, not by the blood in our veins, nor the blood of our forefathers.

James is the host of FindingMorris.com an Online Singles Ministry Radio program available 24/7

Why brothers avoid marriage?

As Bill Cosby would say "c'mon people"! We know the root IS NOT role models, and statistics, and upbringing, and influences. Those things are the fruit and NOT the root. The majority of men DO NOT have a natural desire for marriage, but we do have a natural desire for Food,Sex, and Peace. That is stated more plainly as "feed me", "sex me", and "don't give me grief about it". Women can only safely depend on the God in a man that has given that man victory over his nature. Period. A man that is born again in Jesus Christ, a man that is accountable to other Godly men, a man that governs his life by the Holy Bible is worthy of your trust. That man will NOT avoid marriage, but he will seek you out for the express purpose of proposing it to you.

The question is would you receive him if God showed him to you?

-James
Listen to Finding Morris Online singles ministry radio program 24/7.

How often should a man call?

How often should a man call?

A very wise woman once told me that dating is mind over matter.
Which is if you mind, then it matters. The truth is that if it matters to you that he calls you regularly then you should not feel ashamed
or inadequate when asking to have your needs met. So how often should a man call a woman that he is dating, that can not be qualified by me or anyone else. Your standard of how much a man should call is the only right answer.

Many people would tell you "Girl, a good man is hard to find, don't loose your man over a little phone calling". Are they right? Remember this, these are the same people that probably dwell on the negative odds and the statistics about finding a man.

Let the Holy Ghost lead you into God's perfect peace about everything in your dating. So what do you do when a brother doesn't call you after several days?
Number one: Don't ignore the facts. The facts are that men go after what they want like car's, video games, and yes women. It may be uncomfortable to hear but men that don't call, don't come by, don't text, are busy thinking about something that they think is more important that you. (ouch) Sorry.
Number two:Don't make excuses for him. Communication and the lack there of is a core issue that two people must agree on. Couples with poor communication skills would most likely end up in daily conflict having disagreements in the area of communication.

You may say, but how do I know if it’s good to hear from him everyday? Here’s a good spiritual rule of thumb: If your desire for a phone call negatively affects his or your life's responsibilities like work, family, household responsibilities, church, etc. Your desire may be out of order. However, let's get this straight, let's keep it real now. For example,

"if the man you’re dating has gone to church on Sunday, spent time with his family, paid his bills, watched the football game and back-to-back re-runs of SportsCenter without giving you a call by 9:30 p.m. there is a very good chance that this brother does not have you filed in the priority folder of his life."

A brother with this kind of take-her-or-leave-her mentality could rapidly grow weary with you in a life long marriage. His communication style is purely self-involved and if you’re the type that enjoys being courted,and wooed, even after marriage, it’s better to recognize those signs earlier than later.

Now here is the thing, it's not your job to change him. Let me repeat. It is not your job to change him. Remember who you are. You are the missing piece from Adam’s side. This means that you will fit perfectly at the side of God's best man for you just as you are. You won’t have to force it, you will just fit into his life…and at his side there will be more than enough room for you.

James, Is the host of FindingMorris.com an Online Singles Ministry Radio 24-7-365
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How sistahs can truly "Find" Morris, Part 3

As we conclude this series, I just want to encourage you to guard your heart and keep your faith in God. Dating as a Christian is difficult, but staying true to your convictions is even harder. Instead of putting so much importance on his favorite food or what size shoe he wears (not that shoe size isn’t important…wink, wink) here are just some of the core values you should be talking about on your dates with potential Morris’:

* Relationship with Jesus
* Attitudes about money
* Attitudes about sex
* Kids or no kids?
* Privacy vs. Secrecy
* In-law relationships
* Views on marriage

Now, let’s not forget the practical things like smart things and silly things. For example:

You should ask yourself if you could deal with the differences in the smart things that you agree to disagree on. While politics and taxes might be your passion, metric wrenches and computer software

might really get him going. It’s okay if you don’t share all smart things, but you should be able to participate on some level.

Now silly things to you may be the show, Dancing with the Stars and to him Monday Night Football. Sometimes silly things are connected to hobbies and extracurricular activities. Even if you have different interests, your relationship can still work. But you should take some time to evaluate whether staying connected to your core values as a couple is more important than indulging in the smart or silly things all of the time. In other words, are you willing to spend time doing the things your husband enjoys and vice versa?

Equipping yourself with answers to these questions and comparing them to your Christian values makes it easy to spot “Mr. Booty Call, Mr. Pay my Rent, and the notorious Mr. Down Low.” Don’t waste your time on these men. Simply dismiss these brothers.

A lot of women think that having more candidates is good. In fact, as most brothas will tell you with mad options, more candidates often contribute to your confusion on which one to choose. Following the tips in this series will help you quickly narrow your choices for God’s best. The great guys will have the desire to get to know you for who you are, serve your needs, honor God, and yes spend their money on you. As Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." When a man is willing to spend a great deal of time and money on you, take notice. He may just be your Morris.

If you have already met your Morris, pray for clarity on those red section brothers. The Holy Ghost will show you which brotha is for you. Whatever you do, don’t go looking for him under every rock or in the frozen food section of the supermarket. You don’t have to Find Morris. Trust God, look your best at all times and before you know it, Morris will Find you.

-James and Kanika

Listen to Finding Morris and now Finding Halle online singles ministry radio 24-7
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THE FINDING MORRIS SEASON ONE FINALE (FM31)

On-Line Christian singles ministry radio.THE FINDING MORRIS SEASON ONE FINALE
....how will it end?

(TRT 39:56) FM31-The Best - the Funny & The Shocking End
Episode description:
It is appointed once for a season to end, then after the end, then rest! Praise God this season one has been great, and I have really grown up a lot serving you. This season one wrap up is a lot of fun. It is full of the best excerpts from the shows that you voted for.
Don’t miss this shocking season one finale episode (How will it end?) :-) We’ll be back Valentines day 2008

Most Popular downloads:

FM7- *Thug* Passion
Listener rating: *****

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Listener rating: *****

What this show is all about:
Let’s keep it real, y’all. Many sisters in the church want the perfect man. If not Morris Chestnut, then Shemar Moore, Boris Kudjoe, or whoever—as long he’s filled with the Holy Spirit, makes big money, is thoughtful, intelligent… the whole nine. Let’s not forget that he can’t be too nice either……you like a little thug but not too much…what do you really want? And before you brothers start agreeing too much, think about yourselves. How many of you choose “Miss High -Maintenance Classic Beauty” over the “Virtuous Glory of God’s Best for You” even if she’s just a little more plain looking? You don’t have to be saved to know that you can’t trust a big butt and a smile, my brothas…so, let’s talk about it as we discuss Finding Morris (FM).

Here is what listeners are saying about Finding Morris:

James...I am about 1/2 through FM17 and I am LOVING this! It's like being the fly on the wall that so many of us often wish we
could be. You guys are so funny! I really appreciate what you've done for us (single, Christian sistahs). Thank you! Keep up the
great work! I'm passing your site on to my many single friends. -Michala

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