The Perfect Man

The Perfect Man
I recently posted the following question on Facebook:
“Single women::: The guy is perfect, everything you are looking for in every way, but one. He's not interested in serious dating. He doesn't want to court you. He is however, genuinely interested in you and wants to take you out. Would you go out with him? If so, how long would you date him?”
I was surprised by the responses we received from some of the women that follow us on Facebook. Even more interesting, the men who are often mute on most subjects, seemed to have a lot to say on the issue. I wondered why until I spoke offline to many of them. They warned women of the dangers connected to dating a man that is non-committed to getting married to you. (Listen to this episode at FM39)

"When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married."

In full disclosure, the question is really not about "the perfect man" at all. It's about what a woman is willing to receive from a man. Even though a woman can go out with whomever she pleases, she should do so with guidance from the Holy Spirit and paying attention to all of the natural evidence. God knows your hearts desire. But when you allow your emotions to fill your heart with "Mr. I’m not ready,” you shut out the greater blessing that God is trying to give you. Time is one of the most precious gifts you own. And giving away your gift to a man that is not where you are on the "ready to be married" continuum, doesn't work. He may have Christ like character and all the qualities you want, but even the tight ab's of your dreams won’t matter if he is not ready to court you with the intention of marriage. Dating a man who is openly or secretly non-committed sets you up for being taken advantage of. The truth is, no matter how much you try to help or how much you give to a man, commitment has to be the man’s idea. Otherwise he’ll grow resentment for you and whatever you built without his leadership.

I know your cousin Lisa married a man that told her that he wasn't interested in marriage and now they are married and have a fly crib in Alpharetta (an ATL suburb). Did cousin Lisa also tell you that his double mindedness caused her periods of hell on earth dealing with his flip-flopping between her and another woman? Truth is, the uncommitted man rarely changes his ways. And if he does, it is usually not for your benefit. How unstable is a double-minded man? The Bible says, in all of his ways (James 1:8).

Real Talk. The majority of men, in their natural minds, see dating as necessary for sex and NOT the precursor to a joy-filled lifelong marriage. For them, sex is the main reason for wanting the company of a woman. When a woman fills her heart with a uncommitted man and then has sex with him, God see’s her as married. And that’s without the ring, the dress and the ceremony. Don’t gamble away the best years of your life on the hopes that one day your perfect man will change his mind. Keep it moving. Make him pay the price to have you. You should be so expensive to him that he can only afford one of you. Believe me, if you’re the one he wants he’ll do whatever it takes that is legal or moral to make you his own. And it won’t take a bunch of years to do it.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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Walk into your husband's path

Walk into your husband's path

It’s interesting to me how some unmarried Christians seem to be committed to secular dating. You know what I’m talking about. Boy meets a nice girl, girl falls in love with boy, they become boyfriend and girlfriend until three years later boy confesses he’s not ready for marriage, girl sticks in there until boy becomes a man and marries her. It’s a dreadful cycle that hurts so many people in the process. As Christians, Jesus has called us to be in the world, but not of it. So why do we think it’s okay to date the way the world does and expect to achieve superior results?

My husband posted an question on facebook some weeks ago asking unmarried women if they would continue to date a man who was honest enough to share that he wasn’t interested in marriage? You should’ve seen the heated responses on both sides of the fence. Some said it would be foolish for a woman ready for marriage to date a man who wasn’t. Others complained that writing a man off because he’s not ready is premature. After all, he might be in transition, has been hurt in a previous relationship or could be ready after he’s reached his goals. We all have known success stories where a woman travailed to become the last woman standing. She may have been in her 20’s when the relationship began and is now in her 30’s. She had vision for what he would eventually become and chose to love him unconditionally. I admit it’s a beautiful thing for a woman to stand by her man. Yet, I wonder if waiting for a man who is not your husband sets you up for an emotional roller coaster of uncertainty and pain.

I am somewhat of a traditionalist and I make no concessions for that. My values in the area of dating are what many might consider old-fashioned or out-of-style. But one thing I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work. I’ve loved and lost many times during my dating, rarely asking God to show me whom I should give my time and heart to. I’ve dated men who said they wanted to get married only to discover that they weren’t ready. I’ve dated many others who said they weren’t interested in anything serious just to see if I’d stick around long enough through their indiscretions. Through all the tears, I finally got the lesson that men will take advantage if you let them. I had to take a stand and follow God's lead in my dating. It was the only way to protecting my heart and being ready to receive the man who was ready to be my husband.

" What I know for sure is that dating the way of the world doesn’t work."

For all of our wonderful qualities, women often make the mistake of allowing our heart to rest in places that are not appropriate for us. We’re too willing to adjust our values, our desires and our dreams for what we perceive to be the love of our lives. It’s a bit ironic because God has always regarded woman as the jewel to be found, not the other way around. You are the prize and should be treated as the precious jewel that you are. Committing to a broken man or one who isn’t ready for the type of relationship you want is not God’s best. Marrying a person who felt pressured to marry or someone whose emotional pain hasn’t been dealt with will challenge every aspect of your relationship. Why go through all of that drama if you don’t have to? Rather than waiting for the man to come around, why not flip the script and be such a standout that he’ll either have to step-up or regret that he lost you. How do you accomplish this? Walk into your husband's path. Keep your standards high, pursue your passions and only allow your heart to be filled by the man who is ready to make you his wife.

Kanika is a Producer / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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How do I change a booty call into a marriage?

Single women::: How do you transfer a booty call based interaction into a lifelong joy-filled marriage?

If a woman expects to have an actual man that is strong and loving without being lame or a punk, she must also agree that the terms of your interaction should be named by the man. In other words, it's a booty call if the man calls it a booty call. A woman can label it anything she wants to. Just keep in mind that God's first job for man was to name a thing. It's one of the things that He has called us to do.

No matter what you do, you cannot transform a booty call interaction into a joy-filled lifelong marriage, only he can. It's got to be his idea. You cannot lay the Vi-Jay-Jay down or rock his world well enough to change his mind for him. You cannot love his family enough, including his kids to change his mind about pursuing a relationship that will end in a great marriage. You cannot even go through a man's stomach with your famous baked chicken plate well enough to change his mind.

Let the changing of his mind come from God. Doing it this way brings honor to God and solidifies his mind in a more stable, concrete way. It's the only thing you can depend on.

James is the Host / Writer for FindingMorris.com

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• James from FindingMorris.com • Attn: BLOG • P.O. box 18351 • Atlanta, GA 30316
• 404-954-0092

FM40-Finding your Barack

Do sisters in the church compare the men they date to President Barack Obama? We tackle this issue with the help of gifted author and minister of the gospel, Dr. Ty Adams and the awesome ministry gift of Toy Banks of Girls Gone God dot com.

We are excited about this historic 40th episode of FindingMorris.com. Please take the time to share this show with your people right now, so we can continue spreading the word about the benefits of Jesus styled dating.

404-567-5752 (To send us a shout out)

FM38 - Premarital Sex

FM38 - Premarital Sex (34:38)
We may not know women, but men, we know! FindingMorris.com is all about the real talk about the real Christian walk of dating. Here is what the fellas speak to in this episode:

• Pre-Marital Sex: If you do it, have you screwed up your chances of finding your Morris?
• Why ratios of men to women don't matter.
• What divorced women know about men that single women miss.
• Why we DISAGREE on how long a woman should wait before having sex with the man she's dating.
• What makes a good brother?
• How men take advantage of insecure women.
• Why women bug-out on trying to avoid men on the DOWN LOW!?


We kept it real, so clear the kiddies out the room! )))